Where’d that panic come from?

On Saturday my bubba Mark and I went to dinner down in Willow Glen, and then went to an amazing talk with the sons of the author of the Four Agreements.  We then went downtown San Jose to hang out and listen to some jazz

We were sitting there minding our business, enjoying the conversation and the music when this adorable couple started talking with us.  Just so much madness ensued, I laughed so much my face hurt.  It was a really great night

While we all were sitting at a table together, the guy said he’s going to Budapest, and they all talked about how wonderful it was there, and you really should go to Amsterdam, etc.

I turned to Mark and I haven’t been anywhere, I don’t have a passport.  He got all mad and said, that’s it! We’re getting you one and I am going to help you break it in!  We laughed and made plans with this drunk adorable couple to travel and have more laughs

As I am at work assisting others with travel visas and passport renewals, I decided, what the hell, I am going to get mine too!  So I filled out the form, found a post office to file my paperwork and figured out where to get a photo.  I’ll be getting a knee shot on 9/30, so I will go to the post office first and I’ll be all set

So Mark and I texting this morning, I sent him a pic of my application. And asked, where are you taking me to break this in?  He started peppering me with texts of Mexico! Paris! Canada! Cruise in the Caribbean!

As I read these texts, I could feel the panic well up in me.  No idea where this is coming from.  Getting your passport should be an exciting proposition, not something to give you anxiety

I told him that, and he said the same thing, it should be about freedom

I never had any money, so I couldn’t imagine traveling, so I never bothered to get my passport.   And I was busy raising my daughter on my own, barely making it

I cannot put my finger on why I had this sense of panic.  I need more time with it, meditate on it I think