Sucks getting old

I hate that I am not as mobile as I once was. And that shows every day. I am sore a lot longer from exercising, and now I wake up with stiff hands and trigger finger until I warm them up.

It makes me so sad, that I didn’t continue to take care of my body, the way that I did when I was younger, when I was an athlete. It was so much easier to move then, and I relished it. I cannot figure out why I don’t have the energy or mindset to get off my ass and move more.

I have only seen my therapist once, but she already knows what’s causing all of this turmoil with me. It’s trauma…trauma that I have stuffed down and not dealt with and now it’s coming up to bite me

I know, I am not going to have another cancer diagnosis if I start working out like a crazy person again, like I did when I DID get a cancer diagnosis. In hindsight, it was because I WAS working out like that, that lead to me finding out I was sick.  But yet, that’s in my mind constantly, even more than when I look in the mirror and not like what I see

I hate that I am not aging like I thought I would. That I have become my mother, in that we’ve stopped really moving or caring if we move

Just putting that out there kinda makes my heart start to race. My mother has had a lot of illness and surgeries in the last few years.  But then again, she’s almost 80, and I am approaching 54…no where near needing back surgery or knee replacement (thank you PT exercises).

I really need to get in a good head space around this, or else I really will end up like my mother