Really not a big deal…really

I have been actively dating several different guys over the last month, and I have to laugh because its because of posting an ad (or two) on Craigslist

Mind you, the lowest form of weirdo seems to gather there, like its their Mecca or something, so I wasn’t all that optimistic about what or who would be responding

And I took it all with a grain of salt, because I really didn’t have time to spend going out with people as I had so much worry about my boy Lekso

Add to the fact that I hear in my head the words that E said to me, and to be honest, I still feel a little damaged

Did I throw salt in that wound by immediately going out with other people?  Sure, I think that its safe to say that I needed to prove something.  Or not, depends on your perspective I guess.  I think yes because I hate feeling so wounded

I realize that I can’t feel wounded unless I let someone, so there is that as well

Most of the guys that I was actively chatting with and meeting have fallen by the wayside, and its a relief, really.  They all have great qualities, however, I felt again like I was doing all the work, and I want to be chased, you know?

The best of opportunities presents itself this weekend when Mar goes away to San Diego for the weekend

Let’s be honest, the first thing that comes to mind is SLEEPOVER!  And secondly, sex in my own bed!  Yay for sleepovers!!

The problem is, I am not at that point with any of these guys, and now that I think about it, of the 4 or 5 of them that I was meeting and talking with, none of them are currently in the ‘active’ state.  So my suggesting to one (or all) to come over would just be basically for a booty call and that’s not what I want. 

I want to enjoy myself with someone that wants to spend time with me, as much as I want to spend time with them.  To stay in bed all day on Sunday and slowly get up and move around the house, maybe make some breakfast, maybe watch some sports, maybe come up with our own sports…I think you get the idea

And, silly me, I thought if I told a guy that I had the house to myself, that the response would be, what time should I be there?  Instead, I get, oh this weekend isn’t good for me, or, really?  house to yourself huh?  what are you going to do with all that time alone?

Really?  That’s how you react?  No beating down my door to get to spend time with me?

Ok, so yeah, talk about totally being attached to the getting laid in my own bed

I made a decision this morning while I laid in bed fighting off wanting to stay under the covers for the whole day

I am going to spend the weekend alone

I may go to the baseball game on Friday (don’t even get me started on that whole bullshit story) and I know I have to be here at work at Zero Dark 30 in the morning to ride up to this Breast Cancer Conference that I volunteered my time for and that’s on Saturday

Other than that, I think I might go away for the day on Sunday, maybe even stay over night some place near the water

All I know is that I am once again slapped in the face with the reality of wanting something so bad  that just the opposite happens

What you resist, really does persist