Funny things, memories

The condo is finally looking like it’s supposed to.  Mar and I spent some time putting pictures up and I am loving how peaceful and calm my room feels.  It’s definitely bigger than my old place and having that private deck off the back has been a really nice way to end every day, Sugar at my feet, that damn Mojo trying to open the screen on the inside

Thanks to the tissue transfer oral surgery, I haven’t been eating much but soup, yogurt, puddings, soft foods, etc. So when I had to get on the soft diet/laxative prep for my post ass cancer check-up, I was already half way there in a lot of ways.  I had to drink 3 gallons of that lovely elixir (it tastes like sweat) last year around this time: one for my diagnostic colonoscopy, one for MRI/endoscopic ultrasound and one for the actual day of surgery.  I have a One Line a Day book that lasts 5 years, and I was able to see what I went through after discovering I had ass cancer (Facebook On This Day helped too) and March and April were a total blur of tests and doctors appointments

Not sure if those sorts of tools are a blessing or a curse, because in a lot of ways, those memories are akin to an anchor that just holds you down when you want to move forward.  I definitely don’t dwell on them, 2017 was a crap year, not just for me and Mar but for a lot of people I know. Reading all about being in the hospital, my recovery, going back to work, just made me realize how much life I have lived since then and that it’s all back there, in the past, where it’s static and can’t be changed

Test went well, I am glad it was on a Friday so I could sleep it off afterwards.  Still in NED status (no evidence of disease) although I am curious how polyps can grow in a year, and Mar took me out to dinner to celebrate, year to the day that I went into remission.  The same wonderful tribe that I had before rallied around again and held me up, helping me celebrate my 1 year anniversary

Lots to think about though, a lot has happened in a year.  I do have a lot of feelings around being a survivor, about living a life of yes versus a life of no or maybe