All’s well that ends

I had a really long chat on the drive home last night with my best girl S

We discussed some of the stuff that was going on for her relationship wise and then we focused briefly on my situation.  She definitely helped me to prepare mentally for what might transpire after the movie, which I never really thought about.  Great to have someone in your life to give you some perspective

Meeting up with Don last night, I had nothing on my mind other than seeing a movie with a guy that I dig hanging out with.  He hugged me, and we went into the theatre and ate popcorn, made comments about the previews, it was a basically empty theatre so we were able to be as loud and goofy as we wanted

Movie was actually really good.  It was about soccer in the 1970’s and it was really well done

We held hands during the movie, and as I sat there, I remembered back to that ‘movie’ I kept playing in my head, that one where we’re sitting on a park bench downtown in Mt View where he kissed me for the first time. 

I want that back, that romance, that uncertainty…but like he said, can’t put the genie back in the bottle, and we’ve evolved, so that’s that.  I still play that movie though, its a nice one to play in my head when I want to escape for a bit

After the movie was over, he stole some kisses, in the dark he said, and that was nice

He walked me to my car, gave me a hug and I whispered "it would be nice to spend the night together again" to which he nodded and said, ‘yes it would’ and that was that

As he kissed me goodbye, I looked up at him and asked if we were ok?  he said yes, why?  I just said, are you sure?  And he nodded

I can’t help but think that things are definitely different with us now…all of the cards are on the table and it is what it is

As awesome as this has been to get to know him, I am pretty certain that my first impression of him is correct.  That’s he’s not the guy for me.  We totally got off on the wrong foot in the beginning and even though my intuition about him was dead on from the start, I thought, um, let’s just see where this goes

Now I am seeing that we should have just called it a day back when there was the misunderstanding after our first date

I know we’ve definitely changed, there isn’t any getting around that.  The question is now, how do we proceed?  Do I just play it off, and just let it die a natural death or do I fight to keep it alive?

I do want more, I don’t want something casual, and I thought that was with him and clearly that’s not going to happen