All sorts of mixed up

I sort of knew this was going to happen

Then again, I really didn’t know what to expect
 
Sure, you think if you send out your resume, you hope that people will think you have the skills and are the right person for the job, so of course you are going to get calls and emails
 
I never realized that it would be so many and so quickly
 
I received yet another email for yet another position that I applied for at Stanford
 
At first I was totally stressing out, thinking geez what am I going to do? How am I going to take off more time to get across the bay to interview?
 
Then I got an email from the position I interviewed for on Friday, asking me my availability to meet with the rest of the team
 
You can imagine that my head nearly popped off my neck with all the thoughts that were swirling around
 
I needed input…stat
 
I called over to the store and talked with HiC and he and I went through the different scenario’s and forced me to think about what was really stressing me out.
 
I am worried that if I continue on this path of taking so much time off, that someone will become suspicious and then I will have to be truthful and explain what’s going on. No one has said a word yet and here I am worrying about it!
 
Not having a job, having any down time between this one and the one I am supposed to have with all these interviews
 
That, in a nutshell, is fear of falling
 
I don’t have anything in savings, that 3 month buffer that you’re supposed to have should something like, oh you lose your job, should happen
 
I have always gotten by, even when I got laid off 3 times in one year, things always were on an uptick with me…and HiC reminded me that a new job is on the horizon, with all of these job interviews, something will shake loose, I just needed to be patient
 
I suggested not going on this new interview, since it would be my first round and I had already met with the one on Friday. 
He said, no, you definitely need to continue on this track, the universe wants to show you all that there is out there, in the hopes that some how, the perfect job can manifest it self for me in its own time
 
He said that this momentum of having all these interviews might shift and then I might not have any and where would I be then? Worrying why no one is calling me!
 
He said, it seems like I am worrying about things I have no control over and that haven’t even happened yet
 
I show up every day, I do my work, I try not to feel like I am the lowest of the low because they don’t know what they are doing and it’s a harsh reminder that its my karma that is making all this happen. On a positive note, I am working throughall this bad stuff now so that I won’t have to deal with it later…or so I am told…
 
Not so much of a relief when I am trying not to be too attached to the outcomes with these jobs and just enjoy the moment
 
I really think its time for me to spend more time outside, sit on the porch with the dogs again and watch them play…watch the baby Lekso chase bugs in the front yard and just be
 
Perhaps that’s what the universe really wants for me, some peace