Success

I enjoy a game for iphone (probably android too) called Sushi Mushi. And sometimes it has a fortune that makes me stop and think. But fortune cookies sometimes are like that. I got one today that just seems to be right in the same vein as some of my recent soul searching regarding romance. 

‘Success in marriage is not so much finding the right person, as it is being the right person.’

Just stop and let it sink in.

Take it all in and let it simmer.

Everyone has rules that they live by. And one of mine is that you cannot control anyone but yourself. People will be mean and spiteful, just plain awful, and not even because they mean to be. People will hurt you, and they won’t have meant to. And some people will hurt you and fully have meant to. But the only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions to things. 

I’m not saying that you don’t have the right to be upset at the things that people do, just that you are the only person in control of you and your responses. 

When A does something and I get upset, I choose how to respond. Sometimes it’s a choice made by a sort of default, a lack of patience and perspective leading to a rash response that I often times later regret. Sometimes that missing perspective is firmly in place, which allows me to empathize too much and, to quote a Sara Bareillies song, "I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say." I excuse behavior that I should not and I latch onto some behaviors that really don’t matter.

And not just for him. Just in general.

So I’m getting away from the actual gist of the fortune, but I feel like the message I take from the fortune is that you can’t expect love to plop into your lap and make your life better.  A relationship does not solve your problems, and if you’re expecting that your life is just one perfect person away from being perfect, then you’re setting yourself up for a world of heart ache when the shiny new feeling wears off and you realize that your perfect person leaves socks on the ground and forgets to take the trash out.

Or whatever behavior wears on your nerves.

Because, and this may be a shock to some people, you’re not perfect either. And someday, when the new shiny wears off, your new love will realize that you’re not perfect either. You also leave your socks on the floor and forget to take out the trash too. And any other number of positively annoying habits. I’ll just go right out and tell you that you’ve got a good number of them. 

So as you search, through internet dating sites or elsewhere, for the perfect person…be reasonable. Because they don’t exist.

I hope that doesn’t burst your bubble. But there is not a perfect person anywhere in the world, and the imperfections are what make things interesting. So work on you, improve yourself and always strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Choose to be with someone who makes you want to be better, not someone who helps you be worse. 

When I fall in love, I want someone who is willing to to be honest with me about their imperfections. And who doesn’t expect me to hide mine. "I’d rather fight every day with you than make love to anyone else." And in that same line of thinking, I’d rather be imperfect and honest with "you" than pretend that you or I are perfect for even a second.