*sigh*

 Lots of stuff. I’m all over the damn place because I’m busy and poor and busting my ass.

1) I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I posted. When I get through this post it will help explain why.

2) No music. Not because I stopped listening or because I don’t have a bunch of songs that I want to share but because I’m so jumbled that I can’t focus on narrowing the scope or theme. 

3) The guy who lives 4 hours away has been to visit twice. And I really like him. The distance issue sucks because I’m a cuddler. I want to watch tv and do things together and we can’t. I wasn’t kidding when I said before that this could be the one.

But what this really means is that if he is, if this really goes where it seems to be headed, I’m the one that has to move. And yes, it’s 4 hours, not the end of the world…but it’s already causing drama and it’s at least 2 years away from even being possible, let alone probable. And what that really means is that I have 2 more years of …this. Of paying for hotel rooms (which gets expensive) and not being together when either of us needs a shoulder…

My mom says you do it for the right person, and I can see that. But two months in and I’m tired. I’m tired of being on the phone all the time when I really need to be getting stuff done. And that’s not his fault, if he were closer he’d be over. But I’d be working and he’d be in the room with me, which isn’t impossible on the phone but when I’m on the phone I feel like I have to be having a conversation. 

4) I hate my job. My work with ‘The organization’ is frustrating and seems pointless these days. It has such good intentions but people aren’t putting in the work. I can’t carry everything myself. And if I’m going to then I might as well leave and do my own thing because then it wont be me carrying everything against the traditions that were in place before.

5) Bills are piling up and my hours got cut at work. Again. And to add insult to injury, my first of my bills from when I got really sick have started to come in. And dance is due, and I want to go to Oklahoma on my next paycheck. It’s just…rough. And I don’t have time for a second job unless I quit one of my others. But I’m so emotionally invested in the one and financially invested in the other that I just can’t seem to make myself do that. Yet. It’s getting close.

6) My yearly exam came back with abnormal results. I haven’t said this to anyone yet, but I’m pretty freaked out. The doctor doesn’t seem terribly worried but plans to test again in 6 months and see if it’s a change from my old birth control coming out or if it indicates something more serious or is pre-cancerous. If it is pre-cancerous, it’s early enough to treat. But holy ball sacks that’s scary. 

So, that’s the short of it. Thanks for reading. I have good intentions of being back Monday but let’s not hold our breath here. I’m drowning in stuff that needs done and haven’t got much time to actually do it.