August 7, 2013

Rejection

I don’t like to be mean. It’s what leads me to responding politely to most (not all, but most) of the messages I get on the dating site. I ask questions, I try to draw people out and get them to open up. I know that this isn’t a natural behavior for everyone, and opening up to strangers can be scary for anyone, but the whole point in meeting through a dating site is the opportunity to talk and connect…isn’t it?

So a perfectly nice guy has been messaging me since the first day. But his responses to my questions are all very…flat. I want to get to know someone, figure out what they are passionate about. Even if it’s something silly. I want that honesty.

I’m just not feeling a connection to this guy, but I fear that my responses are being taken as interest. And that’s not fair either. So today I told him that he had done nothing wrong. That his answers weren’t "wrong" or anything, but that I wasn’t feeling a connection and couldn’t tell if he wasn’t passionate about things or was worried about opening up to me.

In a conversation I’ve sort of read/had with someone else recently, the flaw of internet dating sites is that you can fall in love with someone based on words and have no attraction to them when you meet them. I won’t lie and say that attraction doesn’t matter, I’m not a saint, but I find intelligence and wit so attractive that I can honestly say that I’d rather date someone who is sharp and funny than someone who matches some sort of list of physical characteristics that I think I like.

Because the physical fades. And when it does, if you’ve built a relationship upon it, that will fade away too.

So, to the guy I gave a kind (I hope) goodbye to today, I’m sorry. I hope you find someone that you can build a relationship with. I’m sorry if you felt led on or if I hurt your feelings. But I couldn’t drag it out, it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us. Best of luck.

Strange Days

August 8, 2013

If only more women could be open and honest like you are. Coming from a male perspective, I know rejection. Heck, I know it better than most people know their favourite foods. I find that it sometimes stings less when approached in a logical an frank manner. Like a bandaid, it must be done quickly to minimize the hurt. Attraction is a big part of it. You can love someone’s personality, but

unless there is physical attraction, the relationship will not work. In my opinion, people need to be with someone that they desire physically. That is where I falter so many times. I truly appreciate your note, and I am very lucky and happy that we connect on the levels that we do. I hope that someone will snap me up, but right now I’m festering by myself in my room. I don’t make myself very

available. In my mind, that’s part of the allure; I don’t follow a schedule (per se). I hope that you don’t have to get caught up in ‘the game.’ I think that with your personality, and your heart, you know what you want. You should settle for nothing less. I was about to start seeing someone almost 6 months ago, but after talking to her twice, I realized that I was not going to marry her.

It was at that time that I realized it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to keep this going. I’m not angel. I’m probably a scummy person if you look deep enough, but I wish that everyone was able to approach relationships, or potential relationships in an open manner. I’m sure you will find a guy who is perfect for you! Take care, Always, -mike