update

Updated the profile pic: 18 year old me just wasn’t meshing with all the horrible things I’ve been writing, so you now get to view a webcam pic from current day. Super exciting, I know. 

I spent a few hours drawing with my wacom tablet, and feel a lot calmer and more level-headed. I still have a lot of emotions flowing through me, but at least my desire to run away and try to sex up Matthew has settled itself. I’ve been thinking of trying to write poetry today, but it’s really a crapshoot as far as whether it will be worth reading or not. Maybe I’ll practice a little and see how it goes.

Sitting in a dark room

trying to pay attention to the present

but all I can see

is a non-existent future with you.

You haunt me

which is strange

since you’re really only a phone call away.

A phone call away from wrecking my life and yours.

But, as fortune would have it,

your ghost is happy to play

and won’t hurt anyone but me.

Meh, I really should clean that up some, but it’s passable. Poetry is weird. I never liked it in school because it’s so freaking subjective. A poem can mean a world of things to someone else, but nothing to me. The best kind is the kind that makes you exhale with a whoosh, because it hit you exactly the way it was meant to. I’ve never written poetry like that. I also have never been able to figure out punctuation in poetry. Oh well. 

John is back from his AA meeting, so we’re going to do a little cooking and watch the season finale of Dexter (and Homeland comes on right after). Guess I’ll go back to the real world now.