trying…
thats the theme of the month around here. everybody’s trying to do something. seth’s trying to make me happy, i’m trying to let him make me happy, and belle is trying to be ferocious…at least in this dream she’s having…probably pretending she caught brewster like she used to back in the day. but really, no ones getting anywhere, and its terribly discouraging. seth and i don’t truly appreciate the things the other one does for us, but we both get upset that the other one isn’t noticing how hard we’re trying. its a vicious, hypocritical circle. we may be just a little too much alike to figure this one out. there are a few small things occuring that make me think it will all work out…but it does seem like every day we have another argument that could easily end us if one of us decides to be overdramatic…which we are both prone to. we seem more alike every time i think about it. but we’re alike in our downfalls…not our strong suits. which i guess is good…at least i hope its good…i’m sure i could find a way to be more optimistic about everything…but when i’m optimistic i don’t find much need to write here, so i wouldn’t be here if i were in that kind of mood. maybe i’ll just write until i’m too tired to think about it anymore.
the reason i say i think it’ll last even though we’re fighting so often is because things are finally falling into place to let us have a chance. i’m putting in my two weeks at fazoli’s on monday, and he should have a cop job by mid-january if the rest of the interview process with georgetown goes well. he’s finally able to pay off a little of his credit card debt, and i’m gonna finish out my associates degree this semester. i’ll probably try to go to umhb next semester, and i’ll be able to keep my job at the range (which i love). as long as i’m living with my parents my bank account keeps building back up…and its not far from where it used to be when i worked for chili’s.
so yeah…even though me and seth are having all kinds of issues…it does look like i’ll be able to see him more, and be an actual girlfriend instead of just going to visit a few times a week. i won’t be so stressed without the second job…and the classes i’m taking next semester will really give me a chance to relax. so we’ve got a better chance…if we can stick it out through this.
i am scared about the job with georgetown though. since it would be his first job as a police officer…i’m scared it will stress him out crazy bad…and the work schedule will be such a change for him…so just as my life is calming down…his will go haywire. i’m really gonna need to get my shit straight right now just to help him get through that change…its kinda scary that i’m just now thinking about all this.
i think i’m kinda rambling…i’m really tired…sorry about that. i should probably check out of here and hit the sack. gotta work a lot tommorow. goodnight all.