oversharing…or almost considering it

 We’re gonna try for a public entry today. I’ve been super nervous about oversharing on here, which is completely freaking ridiculous for several reasons:

1. No one knows about this diary.

2. Okay, some people knew, but that was like a decade ago, and I don’t think any of them still check up on this.

3. My screen name is totally different on here than it is anywhere else, and the search function on OD makes it impossible to find someone by location. 

4. Diaries are for oversharing…so I need to just DO IT

Anyway. So here goes. My life is currently upside down. Without going into the nitty gritty or assuming you already know my life story, here’s the low-down:

I’m married. I recently had an affair. Yes, my husband knows about it. The affair was with a mutual friend of ours, and it was actually mostly just an emotional thing that neither of us had owned up to until it blew up in our faces last month and we crossed a few lines. I don’t know if I want to stay married. I do know that running to the other guy would jeopardize any chance he and I would ever have. I’m living in my spare bedroom. I miss the other guy. I’m not in love with my husband anymore, but I do love him and care about him. I’m not putting anyone’s needs before my own right now. I saw a therapist for the first time yesterday, and she makes me feel like maybe everything will be okay. I’m supposed to be living in the present and not stressing about the past or the future. Fat fucking chance.

So, are you caught up? That’s good. Too bad I’m exhausted and it’s time to watch the daily show. Will come back tomorrow and see if I actually have something to say.

Goodnight.