not the perfect hand

Can’t organize my thoughts enough to really write, so here’s a bullet list instead:

*Just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey – totally turned me on. I’ve always fantasized in that direction, but my husband doesn’t turn me on as a dominant personality. Matthew though….whew. What wouldn’t I let him do to me? Just started my wheels turning.

*Good couple of weeks between John and I. Hoping we can maintain. He has gotten a job offer from a past employer as well, so we may both be job hopping come May. A little scary, but it would be a big raise for him, which would definitely make me feel better about going on commission. Hopefully we will both solidify those plans soon. We are planning on going to Galveston for a few days around our anniversary later this month. That should be fun, I really enjoy lazing around at the beach.

*Ultimately, I feel like I’m 80% happy with John. And what’s that John Mayer song? "You’re not the perfect hand, but I don’t hit on nineteen." Yeah, that’s kind of where I’m at mentally. I’ll avoid/ignore/try to get over Matthew for John’s sake, because I don’t want to screw things up with him. He’s not perfect, but he’s not that far off. He is sober, he is a great husband and provider, and he will be a great father someday. I’ve said it before: so what if our sex life is the pits – everything else is really pretty good. And obviously, if I were to leave him for someone I could have mind-blowing sex with, they probably would be lacking somewhere where John is not (financial stability, cooking abilities, fatherhood skills, etc). I like my life. And since it’s not socially acceptable to have my cake and eat it too, I’ll stick with what I’ve got.

I think that’s about it. I downloaded Game of Thrones this afternoon to watch with John tonight, so we’ll be doing that as soon as he makes it home. In the meantime I’m going to flip through my computer files for a new profile pic for OD. All the good ones are from my wedding (of course), but maybe I can find something I can stand. 

Have a good night =)