detached

 so I’m in a really dark place in my head, obviously, which means I can trust very little of what I think. Still…

I feel us turning a corner. And not for the better. I feel John detaching himself from me. Backing off so that I don’t take him down with me. He expressed pity when I was upset this morning. Pity, and detachment, and something like relief as he was leaving. After which he proceeded to be gone the entire day. He’s still gone. I finally called amy at 8, because I started to get paranoid and wonder if he was really with troy at all. He was. Amy had him call me. That was at 8. He was all distracted and weird, and then he says "well do you want to come to dinner?" to which I answered "no." Then he asked me again, not because he was trying to get me to go, but because he didn’t hear me. So I said no again. And he still didn’t hear me. He mumbled something, I said "excuse me?" and he said "you said sure, right?" I told him no again. He finally heard me. He told me he would eat and head home and then got off the phone. He texted me 10 minutes later to say that he was sorry (presumably for leaving me alone all day) and that he thought I was with April. I told him April couldn’t go out with me. That was almost two hours ago. He’s just….living a seperate life from me. And this is the first time I’ve noticed it. Maybe we’ll come back together, but it feels bad, like some part of us is detaching. 

Gotta go.