11.12.19

http://www.mirakee.com/posts/qqr_ptug-w

It’s not something I’m going to hide anymore. 

Life is probably the most challenging thing to feel positive towards when there is so much evil.

I mean, I have everything I need and by all means I should be grateful. I am.

Some weeks , however, are more difficult to get through.

Today, is my baby sister’s birthday and she hardly speaks to me anymore.

I’m tired. Like up until now, I started to stand on my feet , kept myself busy, did so much more and all I can say to that, is it suddenly stopped.

Now, I just want to sleep more.

Now, I just want to spend time with my someone special.

I’m irritated- all my tobacco is gone.

I’m irritated, that people try to help me and , it only hurts me.

So, right now, I guess I am super emotional.

I spent the last couple of days wanting to ugly cry.

I don’t know.

The stupid, thing is, I HAVE COME such a long WAY.  I had my own place, my own money, my own job and I was getting by. I didn’t mind having company, but I enjoyed my company much better.  It had nothing to do with anyone else, I was just better off and stressed less.

Now, I live with my sister. I help her out. I provide food, I provide electric, I provide a watchful eye to her children as their babysitter. I have seen prayers answered in beautiful ways and, yet, I’m still tired.