Imaginary lover
I have no clue really, why I keep on engaging in conversation I said I’d never have with this woman. Thank God I have this diary, or I’d lose my frickin mind.
Who the hell knows WHAT goes on between her and Roger but they seem to do nothing but fight and I am not sure why or how I entered into this twisted triangle by an old email I sent.
Why the hell is Roger reading her an old email of me hating on him other than to get her riled up so she comes after me with guns blazing.
I seriously can’t figure out his motive in sharing the emails but whatever it is, it worked in upsetting her.
Then she made sure to tell me he was with her both last night and today and he consoled her, cuz she was making excuses that he was more “victim” than villain. She’s setting herself up to take him back, and HAS, after 2 visits from him. She seems to need to be validated as the “victor” if you will, in all of this. She’s gotta keep the lead.
That’s her way of forgiving him so she can continue to live in a fantasy world, waiting for him to leave his wife. Now she’s the other woman and I don’t know WHY she’s worried about ME when she knows he ghosted me over a year ago and he is actively seeing her…every day, obviously.
Breaking up with him…
Lmao. Yeah. It looks like it. Less than 24 hours later he’s trying to get some pussy from her.
What the fuck am I doing in this shit show?
She is trying to hurt me over and over with sayings such as “he cheated on you the whole time he was with you” and “he said he meant to break up with all 3 of us (meaning her, wife and me) and I find THAT ironic, since the only one he DID break up with was ME.
Lastly, why is he using the term “ghosting” for ME?!
Ghosting is what you do to some online acquaintance or one night stand, not someone you fucking loved or claimed to for 15 years.
She’s probably accusing him of talking to me and he’s probably telling her I hate him and then offering proof via email.
She’s convinced he reacts to it because he feels guilty and I don’t know the real reason but it has nothing to do with me, because he’s still HER lover… swimming around in her blood like a shark on a chum bucket.
Let’s examine…he IS still her lover.. less than 24 hours after she “dumped him for good this time” and all that was just a lover’s quarrel, and I got used as ammo.
I really don’t get it. But I don’t have to. I will never take HER bait when it comes to degrading or bad mouthing Roger. I won’t give her the satisfaction of being in her book club.
I don’t know WHAT he finds attractive about her but I DO know her paranoia is going to be her demise.
I did the only thing I thought was fair and that was defend Roger, because he hasn’t contacted me and he doesn’t deserve to be accused of something he didn’t do. He will do enough things wrong on his own, legitimately, and I don’t need to add to his tally or hurt her more.
She feels victimized. She feels insecure. She feels afraid and cheated and like she needs to blame him for her struggles. She sounds miserable and sad and righteous about owning up to her part in all of it. She seems to feel she deserves my empathy when she is the one that blew this all out of the water because she didn’t want him with 2 other women besides her. I see why, but then why stay with him?
She’s always saying he’s going to call me, but I think she says that because deep down she irrationally fears that. He doesn’t plan on calling me and she needs to get that memo. I did!
She is more than lacking self esteem…the answer is probably drugs…and I’m just an imagined threat, a fixation, just like the hacker in her phone.
She seems to always be facing a housing crisis, every year she’s moving to a new place. Google listed like a million addresses when I first checked her out after her initial phone call and she’s moved once since then.
She never seems to stay in place long enough to have a home.
I guess my ghost is not a very good roommate.