randddoooommmmmmm

yes, this is what this entry will be because it’s 2am… again… and I am up and a little buzzed… again… I am at peace with some things, and a bit of a mess over others.  I had a friend post this on their FB and it is so funny how fitting it seems, and not from the standpoint of me writing it rather the other way around… http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

Yep.

Been listening to an awesome playlist consisting of Guster, Lifehouse, Jason Mraz, Daniel Rene, some Ernie Halter and Mylie Cyrus and other randomness.  It’s the perfect mix.  Alternately brings me contentedness, determination, and then brings me back down into the gutter where I seem to be lately.

But i have donuts.

Cause Keri got them for us at work and no one else wants to eat them all.  She got a dozen.  I ate THREE today.  And now have the remaining six with me, to eat in fits of anxiety.  Which is ok… because…

I think the only reason I really ate much of anything yesterday was because I had a drink before gymnastics (per usual) and then another when I got home and yeah drinking makes me hunnngry.  I skipped lunch yesterday, just wasn’t hungry.  Had a few fritos in the afternoon… and a snack before gymnastics.  And surprised myself by actually eating dinner- albeit at 11pm.  I think it was the "vanilla and captain" that made me hungry more than anything.

Whatever I could use to lose some weight it’s just too bad the complete loss of appetite alternates with binges of donuts.  LOL… And NO I don’t think I am fat, overweight, and of that bullcrap.  I just think I’d be FAR less likely to hurt my ankle JUMPING INTO A PIT FULL OF FOAM if I weighed a few pounds less.  The less I weigh, the less stress on the joints in gymnastics.  And the easier to fling myself in the air.

*sigh* I should sleep… but am somehow less tired than I was when I was falling asleep in the bath.  What’s with that?

I thnkI am somehow more of a mess than I admit to myself and I am totally more of a mess than is really warranted right now.

Need to remind myself of my NO BULLSHIT policy a bit more adamantly.

Ok I think ima go now.

~Katy