Waiting is hard

I’ve managed to pull myself together a little, at least for today or most of it anyway. It’s hard. We are waiting for our follow up appointments, the waiting is hardest when you only want to get started. When you want the surgery and treatments be come quickly and make everything better. I lay here tonight listening to my baby boy struggle, he’s had a sinus infection and the antibiotics don’t seem to be working. 5 days in them and he’s developed a deep cough. This misery on top of his current condition. To say I’m worried is an understatement. I have thought of many things today that I still want to do, that I want to do again, places I’d love to see, I’m just treading water right now. Our future is so uncertain and I know no one’s is. I want health stability in my son’s life. I want to know the cancer isn’t going to kill me this time. It feels like my head is vibrating with thoughts I can’t cut off. I wish my husband was here to weather these storms with me. I need him more than ever in my life. The life of the spouse of the traveling worker is already hard enough when things are good.