So…yea….I feel kind of dumb..

So…yea…..yesterday I was pretty upset there…

A lot happened…then I realized the whole thing with Alex and that kind of made everything worse.

So…I’m going to write about what actually happened with a clear, non angered or upset head.

So, as you all know, Daniel did ask me out and I said yes. Then yesterday I woke up and realized even though I was happy about it something felt really off.  Then I re read some of our old conversations and there were a few times where he said he wasn’t ready to date yet and stuff and then I kind of thought maybe that’s why it felt off..So we talked about it and I basically decided we should hold off on the relationship until he was ready…we had this big long talk and we decided to just stay friends…no relationship typ stuff no sex…just friends..I was upset yea..but it wasn’t that bad I would’ve been ok…then Alex signs on to skype…and it hits me really hard…the one thing I asked for him to do was to put in a little more effort to talk to me…his girlfriend of four years…while we were in college. Literally all we did was text. There were days and days we’re I didn’t hear his voice or see him or anything. We just texted. It was annoying because I feel you can’t really say much over a text. I hate texting personally. I mean yea its convenient for little conversations and stuff fine. But if thats how you communicate in a relationship..theres problems. I felt like I knew nothing about whats going on with him and vice versa. So yea all I asked was for a call here or there maybe skyping every now and then. Apparently he never wanted to skype cuz I made him feel bad. Whenever he’d go I’d be like awww ok and make a really obvious sad face…jokingly…I’d laugh afterwards and be like lol ok I’ll talk to you later. But apparently somehow I made him feel bad. *cough* bullshit *cough*….so whatever thats basically why that fell apart…not because of the skyping thing but because I saw his lack of effort. 

I put my all into my relationships….I’d kinda like some effort back.

Anyway so to see him sign on to skype all the time and at the oddest hours….I’m talking like 630am when he is usually sleeping..to talk to some chick before she goes to school. I mean maybe some of it is jealousy. More because he’s willing to do that for her…wake up at 6am and skype with her for 20 minutes every morning but he wasn’t willing to skype with me fore 20 minutes while he were together…

I got so angry and so hurt. I wanted to cry. I did cry. I cried a shit ton..tears of anger and betrayal. I punched my wall really hard and my knuckle is pretty bruised. Then that kind of magnified everything else and made it worse. At that moment everything sucked. So yea…thats really what happened. I was semi-ok…then Alex came and ruined everything. Then I kind of forgot about it and everything was ok again. I mean yea it sucked because Daniel and I weren’t together but hey…I’m pretty I’ll find someone right?

So anyway yet another update.

Once I got home from my aunts house I was feeling a lot better and talked to Daniel. Things were all good and happy. We talked about disney movies and yea it was nice…then he started to look all concentrated and stuff and I was like whats wrong…he said he didn’t feel rigt about the decision we made today..then he was like…I don’t know if I’m ready to date or not…this is as ready as I’m going to be…some other stuff…he has been really happy these last few months…and he was miserable all day and all he kept thinking was that he wanted to try. 

I was the 2nd girl he’s ever asked out…The only girl he’s chased after since his first girlfriend who he is still kind of stuck on a bit. I feel a little special I’m not going to lie. 

So yea we talked it over again and we’re gunna give it a go. Maybe this time it will work. I hope it does. I really like him. And he’s a really awesome guy. I just can’t wait to see whats in store for us 🙂

*EDIT*

I got a note asking to describe what kind of girlfriend I am. Honestly, I’m a damn good girlfriend. I wasn’t always like that. I made a lot of changes to myself to become this way and I have no regrets about it. I guess I’ll go into more detail in another entry cuz at the moment I’m kind of tired. I’ll write more later or probably tomorrow.

*Sandra*