just a little update

Hey so its been a while since I’ve written about what’s been going on in my life so heres an update.

College:

Is officially over. I finished my freshman year. My grades weren’t that great but they could’ve been soo much worse so I’ll take what I can get. I moved back home for the summer. Trying to find a job for the summer too. My mom found something near her job but I don’t want that job. It’s close to her, I have to deal with her in the mornings, and it really cuts into my running time (more on that later). But yea, home hasn’t been too bad so far. A few quibbles with my mom but nothing uber serious. I lost my scholarship because I didn’t maintain a 3.0 GPA but I’ll get it back next year. I need to take out a huge loan though which I’m not happy about in the slightest. Not sure if I’m going to tell my mom though. I don’t need her worrying or taking me out of this school. 

Home:

Meh. I’m bored. I need to do something with my life. My mornings are usually filled with working out but then after that I sleep for a few hours then yea thats about it. Daniel and I talk basically all day which is really nice. It was his birthday yesterday (well technically Tuesday since its past 12). You know what he’ll get his own segment later on. My dad is being ok. I don’t see him too much except like during dinner and sometimes in the morning. So yea. That’s home.

Daniel:

We’re doing well. I miss him like crazy but us talking whenever we can helps. I sent him an email for his birthday. Once again, stating that I love him. *Sigh* not sure why I did that. I hope it didn’t like scare him or anything. Well, he’s still talking to me so I guess not. Part of me wishes he’d say it back. He has said it once before (that night with Steve on our way out of Maxy…I’ll never forget that) but I don’t know that was weird caught up in the moment I guess. I know he has strong feelings for me though. So that’s good enough for me. *sigh* I kind of wish I didn’t fall for him though. I mean don’t get me wrong..he’s an amazing guy, and I can definitely see us being together for a while…it’s just like I feel like I’m playing a waiting game. Like, I admitted it…now I’m waiting for him to admit it or to tell me he doesn’t feel the same way…it’s unsettling. I’m still not sure where we stand honestly. I mean we’re practically dating. We’re constantly talking, together, we get jealous of other people, we do the whole sweet thing…but like we’re not together. So like I’m single…but at the same time I’m not. I don’t know its just confusing is what it is. I’m just kinda going with it for now. We’ll see where it takes us. I wonder how he would react if another guy started liking me…would he fight for me? Hmm…interesting thought..

Alex:

Haven’t talked to him since the facebook message where he told me he didn’t want to be friends. It hurts. I’m still hurting a lot. I cry myself to sleep at night over it. The other night I woke up at like 4am crying. I called Daniel. He helped a lot. I also texted Lani (future roommate) and she helped too. I told Lani I was afraid that maybe I still loved him and thats why I am hurting as much as I am. She said that a part of me will always have feelings for him. I see why that would be…I mean four years, been through almost everything together…first love..first lover….*sigh* just wish he would talk to me or something. I hate the fact that he hates me. Its like so friken annoying. I did nothing wrong! I’m sorry that another guy who actually treated me right came into my life and I fell hard for him. Maybe if you treated me right I wouldn’t have left! UGH! I just want to cry. I want to not feel anything anymore. It just hurts to know he’s like gone forever…We promised to stay friends…*sigh* I found out he likes some other girl…she’s pretty, skinny, athletic, likes Lord of the Rings and How I Met Your Mother…they have so much in common..did I mention she’s pretty…and like skinny…..ugh…why couldn’t she be ugly at least. would’ve made me feel better. So yea anyway…they like each other but neither of them wants a relationship….apparently he’s gunna "bang" her and keep it at "just a hook up." Well, as long as he’s happy I guess…I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him…probably not since he like hates me. *sigh* I feel like crying again. But I’m on skype with Daniel. I already cried yesterday in front of him. I was upset and he guessed why. He made me smile then sang me my song that he usually sings to me before we go to bed (its so cute!) and I don’t know while he was singing I started to tear up…I was just touched and conflicted at the same time…it was so sweet but like I feel weird….I get this strange feeling that we wont last…I’m trying to keep this up and to not fuck anything up by being true myself and not falling back into my "bad girlfriend" habits. But, I don’t know…Mike said something the other day that kind of rubbed me the wrong way…something along the lines of "You and Daniel are even officially together…what if its because he only thinks of you as temporary…a fuck buddy…..why are you putting so much of yourself into something that he obviously thinks wont last…if he thought it would he’d make you his before someone else does..kind of shows he doesn’t care doesn’t it?"….I don’t know…I know it isn’t true but at the same time what if it is and I’m just blinded because I like Daniel so much? I know I shouldn’t think like that but it’s kind of been bothering me since he said it. *sigh* whatever…how did A;ex’s slot turn into Daniel’s again lol…maybe thats a good omen…

ROTC:

Been running everyday since I got home. Check out my blog ( http://www.rotcsandra.blogspot.com ) to find out how that whole thing is coming along day by day…might start a picture thing to show my progress..I don’t know…

So that’s all for now. I’ll get write more later…gotta start writing everyday again…anyway see yaaa

 *Sandra*