2 more days!!

Two more days and I’m back at school!! I’m so incredibly excited its unbelievable!! I started packing and have most of my stuff all ready to go. I just gotta pack away some more clothes buy some little things (razors, pillows etc) and I should be good to go. I just hope I’m not forgetting anything. And even if I am its no biggie I can get it another time or just buy a new one or something. I doubt there is anything I drastically need that I’ll die if I forget to bring it. I’m not bringing any stuffed animals except for my pillow pet ZoZo (His name is actually Lorenzo Butch III but I call him ZoZo for short) and I’m bringing him because I use him if I stay at a friends dorm and I don’t feel like bringing a legitimate pillow. But yea the rest are staying at home. 

I’m really excited to have the apartment pretty much all to myself for the first few days. I mean Daniel is most likely going to be staying with me for those days but I definitely don’t mind. I just hope I don’t start acting up again.

So yea…..I’m in major PMS mode but I don’t know this month is like really bad. I’m not even sad its more like depressed than anything else. I’m crying at every little thing even things that make absolutely no sense to cry about. I think Daniel said something like you’re moving in in five days! and I just started crying for literally no reason. I don’t know. I’m angry at everything and everything sets me off. 

My doctor once told me that I may have PMDD (its basically really awful PMS). But, we never did much about it because at that point when I went to her it was not nearly this bad. But, its just been getting worse and worse. Its hard for me to control my emotions to the point where I can’t sleep because I’m just crying or thinking way to much. My anger gets the best of me. I cry at everything. The cramps are killer. I had my first migraine the other day (I think). I don’t even know because I’ve never ha one before. But, I couldn’t handle bright lights and high pitched sounds without my head wanting to pop. It was a horrible feeling. 

Today was the most emotionally trying day so far. One of Daniel’s chick friends is staying at his apartment for a few days (him and some chick spending quality alone time), then he was going to take her to his first rock climbing meeting (supposed to be me -_-), then Alex called me AGAIN (seriously? NOW you’re realizing what you lost? Just please go away), my mom was bitching through most of when she came home because I was packing stuff that she deemed uneccessary (Sorry if I took a few pictures and stuff with me to decorate my room I have a personality you know -_-), my birth mom hasn’t talked to me in days, and yea….today was just a trying day. 

I feel so bad for Daniel though. He’s the one who has to go through all this too. I’m really not normally this bad. I mean the jealousy is there but never to the point where I get this upset over it. I mean I was sorta okay with this chick staying over….I wasn’t comfortable with it at first but I trust him a lot…I just needed to wrap my head around it. Once I did that I was okay with it. But today when he told me he was taking her to his rock climbing thing I was jealous and hurt. I wanted to go with him. Then I got angry. Not at him though. At myself. Because I was being a whiney bitch because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. It one of the things that pushed Alex away and I feel like I’m going to start pushing him away too. I’m just scared. 

I don’t like this. I just want to feel like my normal self again. Not getting all emotional over stupid things. Not push away the people I care deeply about. 

*sigh* It’ll be over soon thank Goddess. I took 4 Pamprine today and I feel a little better. Hyper as fuck because of the amount of caffine in it. But hey…..I’m not depressed and angry anymore. Alex pissed me off so much today I punched the hallway wall….my knuckle kind of hurts but its not bruised. I learned better from last time. But yea…..so angry.

Anyway thats my update. My mom is taking off the next two days (wednesday and thursday) to be with me and do last minute shopping and say goodbye to my family. We were going to go to the pool but it’s going to rain….so its just going to be my mother and I…..I hope we don’t kill each other. Goddess knows we can’t be together for longer than like 20 minutes without butting heads. But yea….then Friday my mom and dad are driving me up to new haven early in the morning. We’re hopefully having breakfast at my favorite place ever (Cracker Barrel) and then they’ll help me unpack and I can chill with my boyfriend for a while…..I think that sounds pretty friken awesome. 

I can’t wait. 

Anyway I’ll upadte again soon. Hope everyone is doing well and I’ll try and leave notes and everyones diary. I’ve been lurking again lol.

Night everyone

*Sandra*