So lonely

I am really sick so it has increased my loneliness. I can only relate the feeling I have back to when I was a child and my stepdad would lick me under the sink in space generally you’d put cleaning supplies.   Back then I thought he was my dad, but as a teen found out he was a step dad who despised me.

I spent many years wanting his approval and love. I am paying big time for what he done to me and what I done to myself. I have both emotional and physical issues. I wish I could just have a normal life.  I wish I could understand love and how to deal with people just up and walking away..

Loneliness is a tortured feeling,you see all these people around you, but then feel invisible and like an outsider. I feel very negative emotion, and bitter inside my heart.

I can’t even stand to look in mirror.