Yes

….There is this guy. I met him when I was living in Orlando, back in 1988 or somewhere around that time. I was going to college and working at Friendly’s Ice Cream full time. I was dating John, my husband that I have now, but he was at university an hour and a half away. John was and still remains a good looking man and he was not paying attention to me. I mean no attention at all. (What’s changed?) So one day I took my mother to work, we only had my mustang, and I had to go buy new shoes. Saying this, she suggests the cook, Joe, go with me since he was getting off work.

Now Joe was very, very cute with wavy blonde hair, the bluest eyes, a beautiful square jaw. And he was 17 and still in highschool. He had the kind of looks that made the heart skip a beat. That’s what happend to me atleast. My first thought was there’s no way a guy wants to go to the mall to shop for shoes, gimme a break. To my surprise he said yes.

He was very shy, somewhat quiet but I dont recall feeling uncomfortable around him. I dont remember much about that day because it was so long ago, I wish I did. After that day we were together as much as work and school would allow us. I had classes in the morning, he had school, and I had work at night. When I came out at the end of the night, somewhere around 12 midnight, and there would be a single red rose on the drivers seat of my car. Or something romantic….but he did it but not all the time so it was always something I loved and looked forward to. He didnt live very close to Friendly’s so he had to come along way just to put that rose on my seat. He wouldnt come into my work…he would just do that. And that made my heart skip a beat.

Of course this caused a conflict in my heart with John, because we had already been together a few years but ever since he went off to school I barely saw him and when Id call his dorm he was never, ever there. I guess that made it easier to receive attention from Joe.

I was Joe’s first love.

Time passes and things are falling through with getting an apartment with my best friend at the time because we were college kids (my mom moved to FLA from Texas to help me). Then John tells me he is moving back to Ft. Lauderdale, where we both grew up. Now I can’t explain to you why I did this but I picked up and moved back to Ft. Lauderdale without giving it too much thought to Joe. Maybe I had hope John and I would stay together, I dont know.

A few days pass and Joe drove 4 hours to come to Ft. Lauderdale to win me back, with diamond ring in hand. I accepted the ring, but told him I would think about it.

Leaving Joe is probably one of my greatest regrets in my life. Everytime I think about it I want to bang my head into a brick wall honestly.

But, with a heavy heart, I said no. I felt safer with John I guess since we had been together so long. Joe was 17, still in highschool. I dont know why I didnt at least give it a chance. I believe he would have done anything to keep me.

It was a days/weeks later that John tells me he is moving up to NC, to live with his mother. I had just relocated to be with him and he is leaving me to live in NC. Now that branches off into a whole nuther story right there where John leaves me and that night something happens that changes my life forever. Ill leave that portion for another day. But let’s just say what happend had something to do with something I didnt consent to.

I have now lost Joe and John.

That time of my life is a total blur because of the trauma of losing both of them, left alone in Ft. Lauderdale, and scared as hell because I felt like I had just hurt the one guy I should have waited for and married when we grew up a little bit.

Some time passes and John returns from NC to collect more of his things and asks me to move to NC with him, that he misses me and doesnt like being apart from me blah blah blah. I was going to college and working waiting tables still so I could do that anywhere, I thought. So I go. Moving up here from Ft. Lauderdale was quite a change…I was raised in a liberal area moving to the bible belt…didnt know anyone up here except John’s awful mean mother…still whirling in my mind of all the changes that occured.

But I still did it, and went to school, and worked, trying to make the best of whatever was going on.

I visited Ft. Lauderdale after a year or so only to find out from my old neighbor that someone had come once or twice trying to find me. He said it was a young man with wavy blonde hair and blue eyes.

My heart sank even more. He still wanted me after what I did to him. These were the days before I had internet and cellphone and after me and Joe broke up we didnt stay in touch so we never discussed what happend and why I made the decision I did. I. just. left.

Fast forward over 20 years but my search for him has actually spanded years but couldnt find him. I found an obit online years ago that his mother had passed away, but had no way of reaching him or his family.

Not too long ago, I found him. At 39 years old he had enlisted in the US Army, feeling it was something he had to do. He responded to my message but we didnt really talk because he was still in basic training and AIT in Mo. but I would get sporatic messages from him. He said, "Of course I remember who you are, how could I forget, Ive often thought of you…"

He recently got out of basic and was on leave in FLA seeing his family and preparing to go to Ft. Hood Texas and one day we called each other and to my surprise his voice had not changed at all. We talked FOREVER.

<span style=”font-size: small”>He never married.

He moves shortly after to Ft. Hood and about a week after that he finds out that he is being deployed to Afghanistan. I couldnt accept in my mind how they could deploy him so quickly out of basic. And what does he do for the US Army? He is whats called a Combat Engineer, the dude who goes looking for IED’s and blows up found bombs. Isnt that great? I just love that. NOT.

Because he is deploying he is given 2 weeks of leave to get his affairs straight. He tells me, "Im comin to see you, baby" and he comes this past November 15 to see me for 5 days. I didnt care what it was going to take but I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him and I did.

Making love to someone I havent seen in over 20 years, someone that I cared about so much (but not enough, I guess) was right here in my arms.

I cried. Alot. We actually did fight alot because of this stress of him going but we got that all straightened out.

Leaving him at the airport was the hardest thing, ever. The next time I see him will be in a year, or in a coffin. He said if he gets killed in Afghan I better come to his funeral, that he didnt care what I had to do but I had to be there. I cant stand talking about that possibility of him dying there or maybe coming back a changed man, it just kills me.

We talk on the phone everday now, several times a day when he can but he is really busy now.

He is deploying December 15.

I really, really cant stand it.