One Day at a Time

Joe is still in Florida after the services for his brother that passed away, he got an extension from the Army to stay a few more days. He is leaving out tomorrow. We havent really talked, after all that happend with us I decided to just leave him alone. His sister, one of my best friends who is with him, has let me know that he’s asked if Im ok a few times. I think he found it odd I was just leaving him alone and not talking to him. Everytime I had the strong urge to talk to him, cuz you know, I do miss the better parts of him whatever they are, I would remind myself how not nice he was to me and the feeling would still be there but Id get busy with something else.

Last night we did talk on the phone briefly. He asked me via facebook to call him just to chat. We did, and it was nice but nothing like how we used to talk in the begininng. What always puzzles me about relationships is how it can go from point A to B. From him being so smitten to being so cold and unfeeling….I told him last night I dont think Ill ever understand what happend. He appologised for everything and I told him not to worry about me tho he said he would. I have no options…what can I do but just move on? I will always care about him, I have my entire life in some fashion, and if anything happens to him in Afghanistan I will be devistated but atleast for a short time I felt that he loved me and I was able to be as good to him as I was able and made love to him agian. I start thinking about something happening to him and I get that panicked feeling so even at this moment I hold my breath til it moves on.

I have no choice. He made it for me, for us.