Just Hand Me a Pillow

Because I’m going to snuff out my husband because he keeps snoring. Hard to think with all that racket going on.

Today was a pretty laid-back day. Went to husbands step-brothers for the New Years Good Fortune Lunch. It was blustery cold and windy today but my young boys braved the weather and skated with inlines and skateboards there.

Really not much to report on. My older son returns to school tomorrow (YAY!!!) and so does my husband. Gotta love the family but to me there is such a thing as spending *too much* time together. GAWD he snores so damn loud!!! Argggggggghhh!

Tomorrow I am going to relish in my free time by eating alone…and some well-deserved pampering.

I saw Ed the ex briefly yesterday. I am so bewildered with him and this almost 3 year seperation how he can be so in love with me. Its really corny..his deep gazes into my eyes, telling me how beautiful I am, the kissing of my fingers and so forth and so on. I just don’t feel it anymore, I wish I could but I just can’t fall for anyone let alone him. I fear the day he says the "L" word…many men who know me know I will run away if someone blurts that out to me. I’m sure there will come a day when he will ask me how I feel and I will tell him…I think he must know because I don’t return his affections…I’ll kiss him and that’s ok…but lord if he starts with the L…..o…v…e…thing I’m gonna freak.

Theres 2 people I could maybe consider having feelings for but one is Robbie and I don’t get any emotion from him so I don’t even try. Its just sex. Really awesome, mind-blowing sex. And Charles. You’ve read about my elusive Charles who is some secret agent squirrel always in another country. He pops up every few months, he expresses that he misses and loves me, can’t wait to see me…he is married to his career, I know even in my wild dreams there is no future with him. I asked him once did he ever think about us being together long-term…he said yes, he thinks about it all of the time but with his career, he says his life is not fair to expect me to tolerate him being gone so much and most of the time I’m not even allowed to know where he is. Sigh.

I wrote a brief email to my ex best friend. It was full of heart-felt appologies for mistakes Ive made. I hope she accepts it in the real spirit it was intended. I miss her.

I should go…my typing keeps waking Mr. Snor-a-lot. Night.