Here I am

I am procrastinating getting in the shower. It takes me roughly an hour to get ready in the morning and i hate going thru the routine. It’s good "thinking" time tho I guess.

What have I been doing? Life is such a blur. Sean is out for the summer now, so I’ve been busy with my kids trying to keep them happy with summer activities.

This may shock you but I "retired" from escorting about 2 weeks ago. I’m not sure how long its going to last, because i am bored out of my mind. It had its pros and cons like anything else but I truly miss it, i think it is in my blood. For two years I lived that life and daily advertizing, answering emails, phonecalls, etc.

Why did I retire? Because I met a guy I really like. Met him as a client and he was paying me $450/hr. I realised I liked him more than just a client after the second time of seeing him. For this writing and hereafter, I shall call him Rob.

Rob is a few years younger than I am. Married, has 3 kids. Wife hates sex. He went many years begging her to change and finally a few months ago he started seeing escorts…he saw 2 before me only one time. As soon as he started seeing me, he stopped seeing others and also has stopped begging his wife to be with him. I hesitate to call it an affair. We don’t see each other outside of meeting for sex, but there is definately a strong attraction for each other. I guess like with many other things, we can justify what we are doing that he still pays me over my hourly rate and we haven’t expressed "feelings" for each other but I suspect there are some. I digress from expressinging them and he hasnt either. The closest we got was saying we wish we’d met years ago. Amen to that. He is very attractive, 6foot 1, thick brown hair and light blue eyes. He was once in special ops for the Army Rangers and has the most yummy wide chest I’ve seen since Alan.

Meeting with him the third time, he told me he wanted me all to himself. We offered to give me alot of spending money so I can still go shopping whenever I wanted and he knows I like to go to the spa atleast twice a week for one thing or another. In his word, "keep yourself pretty for me."

I like him alot. I have been experiencing conflicts internally because I don’t want to fall for him and I certainly don’t want to get into a full-blown affair as I was with Alan. What a wonderful, terrible, heart-wretching experience that was. I don’t think I’ll fully recover from that one but time has numbed it. I’ll be ok..so far I am keeping it in check. Yes, I’ve stopped seeing clients but I am somewhat bored when I’m not doing anything, i was so used to keeping up with the business. I also miss the attention from the gentlemen so I am not sure how long this will last. Being a "kept woman" most definately has it’s ups and downs. When he’s not around…what do I do (besides what I do with my kids…) It has allowed me more time to persue other interests and gave me a relaxed feeling that if I wake and don’t want to see a client I don’t have to.

How often do I see him? Twice a week if I am lucky. I don’t really call him unless we are getting together tho he wants me too. Habit I guess, I always waited for the men to call me and as a professional rule I don’t call them to chat. What is confusing to me is the mixture of elements to our relationship….see each other for sex and then life takes over…having some feelings for each other…there’s a blurred line there.

Well, reality always comes back into the picture, doesn’t it. My driveway is being torn up before me as I type this….we sold two of our rental properties and with some of the money we are doing home repairs…a new concrete driveway!!! Yay!

Then I am off to the shower, my older son is in basketball camp and gets out at noon…meeting for lunch with daddy. after that..a quick run to the airport to pick up my mother…she was in Fla to see my bro and nephews…then I get to see Rob. Sigh. Two hours of absolute bliss then back to reality again.

Cee you later.