The Boyfriend Chronicles: Iric

The Boyfriend Chronicles: Iric
August – September 2000

Not too long ago, although it feels like a lifetime, I had another online diary. In it, I was a slightly different person, but whether that was because I was hiding behind a heightened version of myself or because I’ve changed since then, I’m not sure. I know I felt an obligation to attempt wit, if not humor, in nearly every entry, with varying degrees of success. It was inevitable that I would attract others with similar senses of humor.

One of those others was a charming, funny guy around my age who lived the next state over. We began to email each other regularly, note-spammed each other’s diaries with silly inside jokes, and taking a cue from my failure with Jason, exchanged photos. Phone calls followed shortly after, but none left me so speechless as the call I got from him on my birthday. It wasn’t the call itself that was shocking – Iric was thoughtful that way – but where the call was coming from. He had traveled over eight hours without any concrete plan and wound up at a payphone somewhere downtown in my city. If it were any other guy, I would have been completely freaked out, but confident that the sweet, funny guy I’d been talking to was pretty safe, I gave him directions to my front door. It is unbelievable to me that I was still taking risks like this only six years ago.

I was lucky this time, though, and Iric proved to be exactly the guy I thought he was; charming, caring, funny, optimistic, sweet and sensitive. It took me a little while to relax with him, but once I did, I bloomed into a better version of myself than I’d seen for many seasons. He was so easy to be with and so non-judgmental, that I felt utterly confident just being myself with him. I was astounded he would make the long drive to see me so often, but I wasn’t about to argue with a good thing. Here was a guy who didn’t mind no-makeup Me, doing-laundry Me or even kinda-pissy-for-no-reason Me. He even managed to get along with my spastic cat who launched sneak attacks at his head in bed and chewed his fingers while he tied his shoes. For my birthday he gave me a card with a cat on the front and wrote in it, “If I come back in another life, I’d like to come back as your cat.” Knowing smutty euphemisms weren’t his style, I took it as a warm compliment.

While decorating a birthday card with a dirty joke was a little crude for him, he was by no means a puritan. Between-the-sheets activities ranged from passionate and intense to silly and sweet, sometimes at the same time. There was no talk of getting serious; we were more or less in sync on the important stuff, at least at first.

I knew at the outset he had a young son, but I was under the impression the boy’s mother was out of the picture. I’m pretty sure I didn’t dream up the idea divorce proceedings were underway, so Iric must have said something to that effect. I am also relatively certain he never intentionally deceived me about it. I have been known to misjudge people’s intentions, but if I were to find Iric capable of that level of deception, I would truly be shocked. He was almost transparent, which was one of the things I found so endearing about him.

I think what actually happened is his almost-ex began to have second thoughts. He wrote to cancel our plans one weekend, saying she’d purchased tickets for the two of them to his favorite sporting event. He was torn between us, and I think he hoped I’d help him make the decision. I guess I did, but I’m not sure if it was what he was hoping for.

I told him that if there was a chance to give his son a whole family I would absolutely not stand in their way. I intended put some distance between us and let them decide together whether or not they wanted to save the family. I knew I couldn’t be factor either way. I believed absolutely in the rightness of that decision, and still do.

I don’t know what happened next. I got an email from him once just saying “Hi”, but my enthusiastic reply brought no further response. I don’t know if they got together and live happily as a family now, or if it didn’t work and he’s now with someone else. I do know this – whoever she is, she’s damn lucky.

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