Coloring blues away

Been coloring in Joanna Basfords World of Flowers the past two days. Spent most of the days in my room. I miss going to boyfriends house to get away from this house bc now all the drama is back on me.

Sunday bbaw 1 went off on me b/c the kitchen was a mess. Let me just tell you, I don’t cook… like ever. She took it out on me. I had just started cleaning up (someone elses mess remind you) and had put the dishes in the dishwasher and took out the trash, and swept the kitchen. I was just taking a break when BBAW1 started going off on me about how I should be ashamed livinglike that. I reminded a**hole self that it was her roommate (BBAW 2) was the one that made the mess and had pots and pans every where and I was going to clean it up. Just taking a coffee break. Then her roommate came out and started cleaning the kitchen bc of all the fighting. If you cleaned after you flipping cooked then we wouldnt have this issue.

She left the only skillet in the house that we have full of grease for two days. On the third day, she was cooking and I asked if I could make the pancakes first she said just let me know when you’re done. Then bbaw1 came in and turned everything back on and said bbaw2 was cooking. I wasnt allowed to make myself breakfast. So I refuse to make the pancakes now.

Im kind of aggravated now bc I lost my bus pass at the beach and Im stuck on home till the first.

I still think my boyfriend (can’t even bring myself to call him that) is cheating on me and I’m so disgusted. I almost gave him his key back but his roommate said that he was home all weekend so I didnt. But he hasn’t been calling me like he used to so I dont know what to believe. I flat out asked him on Sunday if he met someone a few months back and keeps denying it. His actions say different to me. To the point of that I’m now dreaming it.

I just took my night meds.

Tomorrow I have to call my insurance bc my new medical doctor is having problems with my type of insurance.

Boyfriend usually calls me at 830 when he wakes up but lately its not till 10 am which makes me think thats when he gets dropped off. If it happens tomorrow and he doesnt call me tonight, Ill be really heart broken and I dont want to do this anymore. I really dont. Something in my gut wont let this go. And my dreams wont either. I dont know what to do.

Im sick of living here and sick of my relationship and feeling not worthy.

Ive been in my room coloring. Ive been using gel pens and love the look but they dont last that long.

What am I gonna do?

My old OD title page pix

Me at Daytona Beach