Stronger than Ever.

I have been lacking the motivation to write lately but I figured if there was a time to write, it would be now.  I like when I’m writing in here regularly and it’s not that there isn’t enough going on in my life to write about – on the contrary, actually.  I just keep starting to write an entry and then halfway through, I trash it.

So. Anyway.

In the most recent news, Trav ended up getting a DWI Friday night.  We went to a friend’s going-away party and both of us ended up getting completely trashed.  I was so wasted that I couldn’t even tell him not to drive.  A lot of the night is either completely missing or verrrry fuzzy.  I remember vaguely saying goodbye and heading out.  I remember vaguely throwing up.

Next thing I know, Travis is pulling into a bank’s parking lot about a quarter mile from his place.  After the cop threw his lights on, Trav drove for a while before pulling over, probably trying to get as close to the apartment as possible.  When he stopped, he opened his door and the cop drew his gun and told him to freeze.

Of course, he complied lol.

At this point I know what’s going on but I’m still pretty out of it sitting in the car.  I remember seeing the cop give Trav the pen test, then asking him to do the “walk the line” test.  Trav tried and said he couldn’t do it.  The cop asked him how much he had to drink and Trav was honest – he said he had been drinking a lot.

The cop cuffed him, and he was put into the front of the car.

That’s when I got out of the car.  I almost immediately started crying, asking the cop where he was taking him, what was going to happen.  The cop told me he was taking him to county and that he would have to see the magistrate and go through that whole process.  He asked if someone could come get me.  I told him no, but I could just walk.

The cop just said “okay” and didn’t even offer to take me home.  It’s not a terrible area, but I was drunk, at 3:30 in the morning, and the cop didn’t think anything of letting this drunken crying female walk home all by herself in an okay (but sometimes a bit sketchy) neighborhood.

Anyway, I’m not trying to rag on the cop – he was doing his job – but I thought it was a little fucked up that he didn’t even attempt to make sure I got to the apartment okay.

He said I could talk to Travis so I leaned down and asked him “What do I do? What do you want me to do?”  He told me to call his Mom, so I did.  I’m a bit embarrassed now at how hysterical I must have sounded but what can ya do.  At least I got the job done and contacted his Mom.  I kept telling Travis I was so sorry and he kept telling me not to be. 

I was talking to him from the driver’s side and he was on the passenger’s side so I walked to the passenger’s side window, kissed my hand and put it to the window.  He looked up at me and I walked home.

The next morning his Mom and I went to get his car from the tow company and then we spent the day waiting and checking and waiting and checking.  Well, his mom was the one doing the checking.  I was just waiting.  I did clean his apartment, thinking that when he got home he might as well come home to a clean place.  I did it also because I couldn&rsqu

o;t do anything else.  I tried working and I just couldn’t.

It wasn’t that I was ever worried that he couldn’t handle being in jail.  He has been to county a handful of times before, probably 4 or 5 years ago.  He’s a big boy and he knows the drill so that wasn’t my concern.  It was more a concern for his mental state.  I didn’t want him to come out and be down on himself and for that to possibly have an effect on how he approached his responsibilities and whanot.  Not to say that I didn’t have confidence in him taking care of what he needs to, but I just didn’t know what his emotional/mental state would be after making a mistake like that.

I slept on the couch Saturday night with the phone right next to my head.  I didn’t want to sleep so hard that if he got out at 3 in the morning I didn’t wake up.  His Mom texted around 6:30 with “Bond Posted. Call me.”  So I did.  She said the bond was $2500 and we immediately set out to figure out how we would get the money out on a Sunday morning.  It can’t be a check or credit card so our options were HEB, a check cashing place, a payday loan, or as a last resort a bail bondsman. 

I was researching online when my phone rang.

It said “Travis” on my phone. 

I don’t think I could answer quickly enough.

He said he was out.  I said we would come get him.  I called his Mom.  And around 7:45 we picked him up, walking around in the sunlight downtown.

I couldn’t help but smile.  I was just so relieved to see him.  After a day and a half of waiting and not knowing when he would get out, I got to see my lover’s face. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I know he was only in jail for a day and a half.  I have one favorite whose boyfriend is/has been in jail for a loooong time.  And I’m also not sticking up for what he did.  It was wrong to drink and drive and we’re lucky no one got hurt.  But I’ve been guilty of it in the past too and if anything this was a HUGE wakeup call for the two of us, and even some of our close friends.  I guess even though we’re all in our late twenties / early thirties we still have some of that “it’ll never happen to me” feeling which is incredibly naïve and stupid but what can ya do.

Anyway.  It was a long, tiring weekend for everyone involved.  I felt so bad for Trav and I still do.  Even though yes, it was his fault, I can’t help but sympathize and think about the fact that it could have been any of us.

I don’t know if I’ve ever hugged and kissed and cuddled with him as much as I did yesterday.  I just wanted him near me.  I just wanted to touch him.  I just wanted to see his face and for him to know how much I love him.  I just wanted him. 

So yeah, summary of my weekend in a nutshell.  It was crazy, and it’s going to be hard for the next couple of years, but we’re together, Trav and I against the world, and that’s all that matters right now.  We’ve made it through some shit, and this will only make us stronger than we were before (and that’s saying a lot).

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