Oh Ladies.

I know what you mean!! I feel lucky to have what I have. Sure, its not perfect but its pretty damn near it!!

It’s always awesome when you find someone who treats you amazing and you finally realize you are worth it. It took me a long long time to figure that out, and now that I have it too, I don’t know how I let myself get treated so terribly. ryn: I will send you the recipe when I get home! It’s great! As far as the bag, the lettuce came packaged in one. I have seen some in the ziplocsection, but never shelled out the money. I might have to try them if they help me save and not waste so much produce, ya know?

Ryn: Morgan is a lab/german shepherd mix, and the vet thinks she could have some border collie because of her paws. Dexter is a basenji/jack russell mix. 🙂

random noter: This was an AWESOME entry! So much of it hit me like a brick wall. I’m glad that you and Travis are doing so well and that you have both worked so hard in your relationship. Keep up the good work!

ryn:thank you so much. i feel like i’ve hit rock bottom

Thanks for the note… I hope it shows results too, it doesn’t matter the road you take it is if you take the steps to get there.

i agree with this entry. i couldn’t help to notice the diary entries out there that you’ve been readies are most likely mine. if it isn’t mine then disregard this note. i can see why you would consider him & i a boy and girl instead of a man & woman. thats just your opinion. i don’t see ourselves as a bipolar relationship. i can never recall a bad time. he DOES take care of me. sure maybe he isnt

available to me as much. but we’ve still made it work thus far. i am not giving up my relationship with him over him working out of state eighty hours a week having a steady job and doing things for me just as much as i do for him. maybe thats no excuse but its a great one for me as much as he provided for me. there might be some legal issues that need to be taken care of first.. in BOTH parties

i am not trying to sound rude at all. i respect your opinion. but honestly i don’t think you understand what we have period. you may have had a similar relationship. but i dont consider it anywhere near mine. just reading it didn’t sound similar to mine. he IS with me. he IS mine. me however would rather go exclusive and completely devoted and committed to him when i am living with him.

and i have seen relationships which you are describing. and maybe im wrong and i don’t understand that. maybe i am too young to realize or maybe you just think im losing myself and im blind. he has nothing to do with my actions bringing me to this point in life. he is there to hear me hold me and let me know im okay which he has done. we both have separate lives and a life together. i dont see

anything wrong with it. we have other priorities outside of our relationship its just working on them in separate places.. and honestly i was warned in the beginning of his problems.. children.. and priorities. i DID sign up for this. i was aware.. i wasn’t aware of falling for it. it started out just a random whatever.. and it became more. i don’t consider him someone playing me. i actually see

it the other way around to be honest. whats not to trust about him? if the honestly level between us is really high and open.. i only see that factor as helping us be together even more. cause we KNOW what we’re getting ourselves into. i do apologize if i seem like i am defending my relationship. just struck me odd reading this entry. yeah its hectic but i wouldn’t trade it and ill go through it.

RYN: i completely agree. it wasn’t that i took some of it as hurting me.. just made me look at the bigger picture. ive heard a lot of talk about is.. positive and negative. but whats most important about the whole thing is that him and i DO talk about whats bothering us. cause i am indeed not where i want to be with him. but there has been progress. it feels like we’re slowly inching our way to be

where we both want to be. at first it DID sound all talk which is probably why there were so many complaints and suggestions that i should move on. i keep my mind open with other guys tho. scotty doesn’t think hes the best for me.. he says he just doesn’t understand why i would stand by him all this way and support him. but he has that “guy” issue of wanting to provide EVERYTHING for me. he just

simply needs to understand that it takes time to get where he wants to be. but it has been worth it. in the beginning i figured yeah he’s probably using me. so then i started seeing other people.. dating other guys.. and then i realized he isn’t using me because i tell him im dating someone else. i tell him im moving on to someone else. and he’s still around waiting for me. it is complicated. and

really the more opinions i get the better i feel about it. i want to listen to other peoples opinions. so no i am not offended by your entry at all. in fact i agree with it to the most extent. and thank you for clearing up that it just wasn’t directly aimed at me. we’re both right. some times him and i are immature about each other. i was naturally obsessed in the beginning but over time i learned

how to cope with his busy life. i learned how to deal with missing him and actually be okay. i used to cry i used to be angry. be jealous of other relationships. but it took a lot of time for me to learn what he’s really about. and each second that we are together it is mostly talking about where we want to be. and the plan of how we want to get there. we could dwell on wishing what COULD have

been.. if he met me before rikki it would be different. but we can’t just dwell on that. we try to figure out how to be together every time possible and maybe i shouldn’t ditch friends i can see anytime to see him. but the ones who understand my feel for him KNOW ive been counting up days without him.. and hoping to see him. i know its an obsession. but either way he makes it work with me.

i think rikki has serious issues within herself. she’s mad at me if she got to know me for the right reasons she’d understand im not out to get anyone. it just shocks me how someone wants to force someone else in a relationship holding him hostage with their children. i disagree with her ways but i listen to him when he’s upset. parts of us are unhealthy i only think that we’re unhealthy because

i am physically and emotionally obsessed with him. even though it took me awhile to keep a straight pace going and understand he’s not missing.. hes not avoiding me. its just the way it is. over time tho things are changing. i understand about being hungover the next morning. to me being hungover from him is CONSTANT thought of him and replaying over and over our night together in my head like a

movie. and yeah it does suck sometimes.. but it helps me escape the stress i have been dealing with in my life.. like court.. probation.. social drama with friends.. and living with parents. that may seem unhealthy.. but in a sense it does help me be able to breathe. and not think about cutting life so short.. because i have a destination with someone who wants to take care of me who is working to

put up a fight to make me happy. the feeling is mutual. i am glad ive met him. and sometimes i wish i met him earlier.. sometimes i wish i met him after he’s free for himself doing his own thing.. but this happened for a reason. we’ve become attached. its harder to let go and avoid. we’ve tried breaking up. clean breaks. a few days go by.. and its inseparable. it has to break on its own if it

wants to. or if one of us no longer desires each other anymore. it feels impossible to let go. but i know that there is a chance we will go separate ways. we probably won’t last. but the only way i will leave him and ask to break apart.. is the day i wake up and say he doesn’t make me happy anymore. i hope he does the same with me. regardless of how in love and obsessed i am with him. and thanks

again for your notes and opinions. i do hope scotty turns out to be that guy. i can almost feel it but i am not positive.. and who knows i could find someone better.. someone that makes me happier a long the way. i almost did at one point. and scotty was there to wipe my tears and fix my heart.. i see a lot of potential in him. i can tell he cares about me. as for rikki.. i honestly don’t think

she is mentally stable for her own good. but this is one sided.. and when i did get to know her as friends.. she came off as selfish.. and i later found out she was only trying to figure out “what i was all about” and why “scotty was with me so much” my jealous side of me wants to SCREAM at her and hurt her and rub in her face how i am with him. but i respect his wishes. it would only make itworse

well dang that is a lot of notes.. i babble on a lot. but really thank you. i am glad we had this conversation. i didn’t feel hurt or offended just glad things are cleared up. thanks again! =] and best wishes!

ryn: i think you’re right about the bad impression thing if she were to date a girl again. it’s hard to work it with someone that’s jaded about relationships. your entry made me think of my last gf. i tried hard to make her see i loved her but she kept believing i’d hurt her because of her past and put me through more crap than i’ve ever had to deal with. good thing i had the brains to break up

ryn: I LOVE a curvy woman. I would never date someone that wasn’t curvy. I like em thick and juicy haha! I am curvy myself and it’s one of my favorite things! I have lost 90pounds and want to lose more, but I would stop if I started to lose my curves…

(damn L lol note much!! 😉 ryn/:: I’m flattered I kept the interest of someone who doesn’t read me throughout that entry!! thanks 🙂

I needed to read this at exactly this moment in my life. thank you.