Is it FATE or what?

Have you ever believed in destiny or in fate?  Well, I don’t know how to start this entry but let me tell you something that happened last Tuesday.

It was around 3AM when we headed home from an out of town trip during the weekend.  And if you’ve read my previous posts, I already have shared about me liking someone in the group.  On our way home, I wasn’t actually sleeping but I just pretended that I did because there were somethings that was just so hard for me to bear.  One guy with us was teasing another girl to the guy I like.  And damn, it made me so jealous!  And I won’t deny that.  A lot of things went out on my mind that what if he likes her and she likes him, they’d really look good together.  Plus the fact that that girl is pretty and nice.

Could you imagine me at that time?   My heart was actually breaking into pieces that I felt like crying right there.  But of course, I won’t do that.  They’ll surely wonder why, and the reason would be so obvious.  I was jealous. 

When I arrived at the apartment, I went straight to the bed but I can’t even sleep.  My work was at 8:30AM and I decided to take it on a half day.  The whole morning I was there, I was crying.  For some reasons, I don’t exactly understand.  If being jealous was just the reason, wow! I am crazy right?  But I did cry a lot.  I felt so heavy when I went to work that afternoon.  I didn’t even feel so good when I went to work on the next day.  I still feel like crying when I thought of him.  I just don’t seem to understand why I don’t see any possibility that he could see me more than just as a younger sister o someone he could like.

My mind was fully occupied.  My heart wasn’t at ease and so bothered with a lot of love stuff.  After fieldwork, I don’t usually go back to the office, but that time, I hurriedly went back since I have some checks to deliver.  I walked my way to the apartment, which I always do, and passed by to this certain chapel.  There was an on going mass and I decided to attend.  I thought that it might help me calm myself and somehow take away the pain I was feeling.  I thought that there was no other peaceful place but in our dear Father’s house.  So I did went inside and attentively joined the mass.  I was also praying to God for me to be okay because I don’t want to spend my weekend with all the hurts inside.  Specially that I would be alone during the weekend and I’ll surely get more emotional. 

When the part where people exchange "peace be with you’s" with each other, I turned to my left and then to my right.  My heart thumped so fast when I realized who I just saw on the other side.  He didn’t notice me because he was saying peace to the old woman behind him.  So to my shock I turned my face immediately back to the altar.  I could even feel my hands shaking at that moment while I was looking at the cross.  And later on, at the back of my mind, I was laughing.  I was like asking God, "Why was that?  Are you kidding me?  Why him?  Why here? Why now?  You know why I was here right?"

During the communion, I did not look on where he was sitting.  I still pretended not to see him.  And it was only at the end of the mass that I got the courage to face him.  I was still tensed actually.  He asked me why I was there and I threw him the same question.  I was gonna go home when he pick out from his wallet a piece of paper, and of course I knew what was that.  It was a guide for prayer to St. Michael the Archangel that we usually recite after the mass.  I wasn’t able to bring mine so I went near him, and we prayed together.  I tried to hold the piece of paper but just put it back to where he placed it cause I can’t take hold of it properly.  My hands we’re shaking and I felt so embarrassed of myself. Haha!  I can’t even hide the nervousness I was feeling.

After that, we walked our way home together.  I asked him if I could copy some of his movies and he said yes.   So later that night I went to where he stays and we spend sometime checking some movies and playing the new game he installed on my phone.  We went out to buy food together later that night and then again together walked our way to each others boarding houses.  My heart was again back in its state of joy.

Later that night, I can’t help myself from smiling at the thought that we met on the church for some reasons I don’t really know.  Could it be coincidence or could it be fate or destiny?  I don’t usually attend the mass there on weekdays, but that time I did and he did as well.  God certainly do things in His own way.  And of course, I know why he was there.  God simply answered my prayers and He knows that at that moment, the only person that could make me smile again was actually the same person of the reason why I was hurting.  I was so thankful that God immediately answered my prayers, for if not, I would surely be spending the weekend with too much drama!

Somehow I wanna believe that it was fate that put us on that same place and on the same time.  I don’t know but I wanna cling unto something that no people could ever tell on who’s gonna end up with him.  I might feel so hopeless and insecure but I still believe that God’s plan is better than what I have in mind.  So from now on, I would really try my best not to get easily affected by other people linking him to other girls.  For I don’t own him and I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future.  For now, I will just savor those moments with him and make memories that someday I’d be really really glad to remember.