Bold Move

As I knew from the start that I have only set myself to disappointment, it happened again.  For the 3rd time, you pushed me away. And that move finally made see the reality and have woken me up from those wishful thinking. I would want to believe that if it’s meant to be, then it will be. If we are meant to meet, then we will meet.  It could be sooner or somewhere far from the future. Today, I haven’t sent you the usual good morning message, and it felt good.  I no longer feel the urge to my Whatsapp and text you. It happened all of a sudden and now I’m like this.

In one of my past entry, I mentioned that I had this opportunity to work abroad and turned it down for the hopes of meeting you. But with that 3rd push, I know you’re no longer worth the risk. I felt the need to do something so this morning, I sent an email to the employer to reconsider my application, and that I am ready to leave the country this year. It may not be all about him that’s why I don’t want to leave, but I considered my hopes as one of the reason.  He doesn’t know anything about this, just to be clear.

Right now, I feel so nervous on that bold move I just did.  If they are to reconsider my application, I’d probably be leaving by October/ November, which is also the time frame you’re planning to visit PH. I don’t plan to contact you anymore.  I guess I already had enough.  I rather pursue my dreams, be scared of the possibilities for a better career and future, than hope for a love which is never even there and probably could never happen.  If there’s something I really want to say to you, it’s “You’re lucky you found me.  Your loss that you let me go.”

Thank you everyone for taking time on reading my previous Text entries and giving me some advice.  I’ve somehow come to my senses now. I just hope this continues well. 🙂