Anxiety

The past two months have been a whirlwind of significant events in my life. A lot has happened that right now I still could not fully comprehend.  First is Andy,  second was me getting that job in the other side of the world, third is leaving the company I worked with for almost six years, and lastly was that night with Taylor. Everything brought me different kinds of emotions that right now I just feel so empty.

Yesterday was my last day at work and I couldn’t help myself from getting emotional. Especially when my staff gave their messages and sang a song for me.  I was so touched that I cried in front of everyone, which I don’t really do. They’ve known me as someone tough and right there they just saw me cry. I never thought that it would be that heartbreaking.

Thoughts of my last day and Taylor filled my head last night. I knew for myself that I don’t feel anything special for him but I was really hoping that he’ll keep in touch.  But he certainly was just as I expected him to be just as the thrill of meeting each other is no longer there. It made me feel a bit sad, but I don’t know exactly why. Last night I just felt so sad, alone and empty and I felt like I have no one to share that feelings to. Last night and even until now, I did not know what I want or what I need to fill in this void. I just want to sleep all day and do nothing. And I never felt this restless before.

Then I thought of Andy. I still couldn’t get him off my head. He’s probably excited that he’s girlfriend is coming to the UK soon and they’ll be together again. But then he said that he would still keep in touch with me in case things change and we might cross paths in the future. Oh God! I feel so tired with all of this.

I don’t know what to do. I know what I deserve but I still don’t have it now.  I know I have to patient but this feeling of emptiness inside is not helping.  I should be doing something. I should be going somewhere. I should fill in this void.  But how? Where to? These changes makes me feel so uncomfortable. I just hope and pray that something good will happen for me soon.