007: Dear You

Dear You,

It’s been almost a year since we matched and started texting each other.  Almost a year since I last felt those butterflies in my stomach. It only took an instant and I already fell for you.  But it took time for me to forget you, to get rid of the feelings I instantly had for you, to keep myself away from the thoughts of that there might be a chance for us.  I want to stop.  But in all my attempts, I always fail.

And then one day, there you go again.  Telling me you miss our chats; that you can’t wait to talk to me again; that you’ll text me more in the next morning. Again, it gave myself hope.  But time and time again, you’re like those lights in a Christmas tree.  One moment you’re there, giving me all the attention and the next days, you’re gone.

Dear you, I can no longer take much of this silly situation.  I know that I am only making a fool out of myself.  What we have… or what we had, if we even had anything, was pointless from the very beginning.  My heart still feels the pain and I won’t deny it.  I still wait for you to text me, ask about me, tell me about the things you’ve been busy about and all other stuff.  I still long to hear the sound of your voice and your laughter.  Long distance sucks! But knowing that there’s really no future for us is what sucks the most.

I want to cry my heart out until the sadness goes away.  But I don’t want to waste my tears for someone who never really cared.  And so I have finally decide to cut-off and let go of the thinnest strand of hope I was still holding on to.  I will go on living my life just how it was before you came.  From now on, you don’t have to check on me just as you used to do.  Because you’ll no longer find me.  This time, it’s me who’s gonna block you.  It’s me who’ll be gone.  This time I’ll choose to be happy with or without you in my life.