Time to Say Goodbye

First of all, thank you to everyone that spends time to write me notes.  I’m horrible about responding, but hopefully you know that they help me a lot and give me a ton of insight.  🙂  So, thank you and please don’t get offended if I don’t respond right away! 

    I just found out that my ex-fiance and his current girlfriend of only a few months are going to have a baby.  I’m not upset right now, but there is a very strange feeling washing over me, and I feel like someone just died.  Part of me is happy for him/them, and the other part is just there….   We were highschool sweethearts, I waited for him to get back from bootcamp in the Marines, a year later he asked my Dad for my hand in marriage, and then we broke up almost 2 years ago when he cheated on me 3 weeks after the proposal, so I should be over him by now, right?  Well, I’d be well on that road if he hadn’t tried calling me back in May telling me that he wanted me back and that the girl he was with (now the pregnant one) wasn’t important to him and that he’d leave her in a second if I’d just say yes and leave my boyfriend as well. 

   Luckily, I said, "No" and the phone calls from him soon fizzled out and I haven’t heard from him since.  I shouldn’t have even looked at her myspace page.  I check it every once in a while, and I don’t know why because I just end up feeling sad when I get offline.  Sad (pity) for myself for allowing myself to even care what they’re doing, and sad for her because she seems so happy with him but she has no clue what a lying, cheating bastard he is…and now they’re going to have a baby. 

   In a way, this allows me some kind of freedom to finally let go of what we had together, because even though our engagement didn’t get as far as the church, I have still felt like the bride left at the altar.  Although, now that I know he’s moved on, I feel like I can do the same and finally say good bye to the time we spent together (both good and bad).