Oh, that gate key!
Tonight found me in an executive board room, acting so professional,
teaching a dozen businessmen. It’s kind of a buzz to be the
acknowledged expert on something (even if simply by virtue of being a
native of an English-speaking country.) Very cinematic, baby.
(Although the cinematic quality of said situation was slightly dented
by the memory of my boss asking in her broken English, “For tomorrow’s
business class.. could you make yourself more beautiful?” I chose
to interpret that as dress a little more formally, as opposed to go out
and get some quality Korean plastic surgery done.)
Anyhow, there I was tonight: the consummate expert.
So how did I manage to let things slide from explaining subtle
grammatical points, to explaining “No, sir, in English please
don’t refer to your underpants as ‘panties’. ” In a prior adult
English class I found myself writing the words (with
explanations) ‘pash’ and ‘french kiss’ on the board. I remember a time
when I was standing before a room of businessmen, trying to explain the
word ‘celibate’ to them. I stuttered out some kind of vague reference,
and the Vice-Mayor of this city nodded and said, “Ahh.. celibate is a
bachelor?” I umm’d and ahh’d and blushed. I mumbled
that it was more than that. “Celibate means not having.. uh…
someone who does not have… ummm.. you know. Not having..
celibate. Not having.. much of anything actually. ”
I’m faced with a room full of inquisitive, yet blank, stares. I finally
just thought to hell with it and wrote in big bold black letters on the
whiteboard: NO SEX. (I wanted to add ‘we’re British’, but
thought it would only confuse the issue.)
After tonight’s class (with my boss sitting right beside me the whole
time) one of the businessmen asked me if I knew Mr Lim and Mr Kim.
(Kind of like asking, “Oh, you know Mr Smith, right?”) This
time, however, I knew exactly who they meant. They were the two
businessmen I used to teach privately last time I was here. But seeing
as teaching privately is strictly against my contract and could result
in instant deportation, and seeing as I had my boss sitting right
beside me, I feigned ignorance. “Umm.. Mr Who? Mr Kim? Uh.. no. I don’t
know anyone of that name.” Persistence is obviously a Korean past time.
He kept saying, “Yes, they know you. They remember your son, Isaac. You
taught them in your apartment! They took you to the folk village near
Koje!”
“Ohhh… that Mr Lim and Mr Kim! Oh right. Yes, I remember those two. Right, I’ll see you all next week, then.”
If I still have my job.. thanks a lot buddy.