Oh anger

It’s fucking haloween. I hate haloween. I always end up watching other people do things. I never do anything. And, when I try to do something – SOMETHING happens.

I remember writing about an event in my last one of these things. I won’t repeat, I can’t be bothered. Though something happened and it all got spolied.

My costume was funny though. I wanted to go as a paedophile but Clare said ‘No, don’t you dare’… so I went as Humphrey Bogart. Well, it had the desired effect…

Me: Tum-te-tum

Girls (x2): OMG! You should be on the register!

Me: Well, actually… *can’t be bothered to enlighten them*… yes, yes I should.

And later, in the taxi queue (after being ditched by Clare so she could go and…?), this happened

Me: Tum-te-tum

Girl: Hello

Me: Oh… hello… do I know you?

Girl: No… how old are you?

Me: 18

Girl: Oh! You’re just a baby!!

Me: oh. Oh look, here’s a taxi. Tra.  (went home in a mood).

So that was haloween 2002. 2006 sees me sitting in London, on my own, miserable. You see, if I was home right now I might have called Al and we’d have gone to The Office and I’d have embarassed him before getting very drunk and doing silly things (like pissing off taxi queues…)

But I shall not dispair. Any more dispair and I’m sure I’m likely to suffer.

So here’s a survey. I feel like one. (yes, literally – a bunch of questions I wouldn’t mind a few answers to.)

WRATH

1) Who did you last get angry with? Myself or maybe The Flatmate

2) What is your weapon of choice? 2 by 4

3) Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Wouldn’t dream of it.

4) How about of the same sex? Gladly

5) Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Lauren

6) What is your pet peeve? People who work in ‘The City’. I’d gladly shoot a few.

7) Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Grudges = effort and I’m lazy. Which brings us nicely round to…

SLOTH

1) What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done in a while? I used to do 80 sit ups and 50 press ups every morning. Yes, really.

2) What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? 1:30pm. And I remember the day it happened too.

3) Name a person you’ve been meaning to contact, but haven’t? Tom. But techincally, he said he’d call and I’m still waiting and it’s been two weeks. Actually, I have list of people I need to ‘give a bell’ to but haven’t for a variety of reasons – mostly listed under ‘circumstances.’

4) What is the last lame excuse you made? ‘I’m tired’ – bollocks. No excuse for that one. Never do anything!

5) Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the really long ones…)? Yes, I think I was in a hotel in Frankfurt and was waiting for the porn to come on. It’s hard to get off over carpet cleaner… unless the reason for the use of was… ooh. Nevermind, onwards…

6) When was the last time you got a good workout in? I joined a gym when I was 18 and went until I was 19. That may seem like a year but if I say I joined in November and my birthday is in January… I’m 22 now.

7) How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Today? Pah. But usually about 3 times before I turn on the light and start reading through my eyelids.

GLUTTONY

1) What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? I drink black coffee when I go to Starbucks or whatever. So I refuse yuppy drinks. See Q6 under ‘wrath’

2) Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? It dead. I eat.

3) What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting? Too much. Woke up with the hangver from hell and a vague memory of poles… as in the metal things. Not the Eastern European Catholic lot.

4) Have you ever used a professional diet company? For the purpose of? Look at me *points to pic*

5) Do you have an issue with your weight? Yes, not enough of it.

6) Do you perfer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Again, it dead. I eat.

7) Have you ever looked at a small pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? Oh, yeeees, of course!

LUST

1) How many people have you seen naked? Quite alot. One or two unintentional and I had to write a few letters…

2) How many people have seen YOU naked? Again, quite a few. One or two unintentional and…etc

3) Have you ever caught yourself staring at the crotch of a member of the opposite sex during a normal conversation? Oh lord, yes. And…letters… etc.

4) Have you ever "done it"? What a silly question. If you mean ‘have I fucked a girl or two’ then yes. One or two it was… (is that joke getting tired now?)

5) What is your favorite body part on the opposite sex? The back of the neck or legs. Can’t decide.

6) Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No, they know I’d haggle.

7) Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Now, my ex wanted me to get checked out and I’m not too sure who’s benefit it was for…

GREED

1) How many credit cards do you own? None! Haha! Spawn o’ the devil!

2) What’s your guilty pleasure store? Oooh, last year, Mike and I went to Bluewater Shopping Centre (the place that b

anned hoodies and is expensive in Kent). We went into a toy shop (we were planning on getting a place together) and nearly bought a slot car set (Scalextric to us Brits). Sooo much fun.

3) If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Stick it in a high interest account, drink coffee, wait a few weeks and then take the interest, repeat ad nauseum for a year, spending the bare minimum – then invest some of it… etc. Then buy an 56 Olds 88 and just do what the hell I like. I might go to Habitat though. 

4) Would you rather be rich or famous? Or Infamous? I think you might get more money from selling your story but rich definately. Though I’m not driven by money. I’ve proved I can be happy with not much.

5) Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Undecided.

6) Have you ever stolen anything? I stole a copy of the highway code once (why? I dunno… I was about 9) though… thinking about it, yes, quite a few things. Many of them drink related.

7) How many MP3’s are on your hard drive? which hard drive? Too many to list. EMI/Sony-BMG/etc can bugger off.

PRIDE

1) What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? Ask me in 10 years. If I have bred, I’ll say ‘my kids’. If not, I’ll say ‘well, the garden looks nice’.

2) What’s one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Doing what I have done with myself so far, they think it’s great. I think I underachieve.

3) What’s one thing you would like to accomplish in your life? To be content (I never will be) and to… jeez. I don’t know. I have short term goals but the long term ones are fuzzy. Pass

4) Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? I always have, somehow…

5) Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all th eother competitors? Every time I go on the radio I know I’m an equal…

6) Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Billions of times.

7) What did you do today that you’re proud of? I actually talked with some air of confidence to someone who rang me up about a job.

ENVY

1) What item or person of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Umm… can’t really think of much.

2) Who would you go on "Trading Spaces" with? If this is like ‘Wifeswop’ or something then Tom. I’d love to see how he copes with being so nice. 

3) If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Vernon Kaye/Russel Brand. Then I’d throw myself from a bridge. Preferably the Firth Of Forth. From the very top.

4) Have you ever been cheated on? Yes, yes, yes, yes… Probably because they knew I’d never get angry, just upset. Easy target (oh pass a hankie!) 

5) Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? If I spent my life worrying about that I’d have taken out a loan and nipped off to the plastic surgeon. Life’s too short. By that, I don’t mean I agree with it, I just would have done something drastic. I’m making no sense. My Diary.

6) What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? The ability to actually have a go at people in a non-nasty and agressive way. I just get too nasty too quickly.

7) Do you wish you’d come up with this survey? Oh yes. I wish I’d sat there wasting my time thinking it up instead of wasting my time answering it. There’s nothing on TV.

8) Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Pride (oops).

So that’s that!