Dark Days mk II

Really, you should have seen me this morning.

Thought I’d open with that statement because that’s where it’s going to end.

But where to start?

Well, thank you Lauren for one… I know you don’t think you did much but you did. I love you.

I thought I had this all planned out and it would be an opus of the last few weeks *yawns in a catlike manner* but I suppose I can start with trees.

I’m sitting in a park and the pigeons are stalking me. The squirrels have knives. This is London.

Break – I’ve been reading Johnny Cash’s autobiography lately. I think I’m getting a little too ‘into’ him. I have this tendency when I read books to skim over things and think about other things while reading. Conseqently, I read about 66% of each book. However, with this book I made sure I read every word and when I found myself skimming I would put the book down and go and do something else. So I think I’ve taken in alot of it, I hope.  It’s like I want to understand what made him tick. Anyway -end of break!

So I went to have an interview with a bloke from Radio Works. Seemed positive. Was then called back for another the next week. Turned up on the Thursday morning and had a long 45 minute grilling by the Operations Manager and Paul (head of production).

*Lauren can’t understand why I don’t get nervous for interviews. I can. It’s because I like talking about me. For example, I write these entries like a reader will be hanging on my every word, when I bet most people just do what I do with books, i.e., read 66%… which I don’t blame you for!*

So, they said they’d let me know the next day – which came and went. Lauren was with me all day and by the end of it  we both thought we knew I was going back to Swansea. I honestly felt like I’d let her down by having to move back.

*I don’t talk about Lauren much in here, apart from the odd remark. I should, she’s a wonderul person and I love her very deeply. Words can’t express, etc but it’s true. I’m very lucky to have her. I’ve just found one of her hairs on my keyboard. (she finds mine all the time in her bathroom but because I’m dark and hirsuite then she has to put up with it.)*

So we went to King’s Cross and she got on a train (after having our usual coffee, as we always do – I bought her a mug to take to lectures with her, one of those stainless steel ones?) and I went home, sat in my room and felt like shit. It was like all that I had worked for the last three years had come crashing down and I would have to go back to…what? Going away from a girl I loved but a place I hate (London, in general – fucking trainset) seemed bittersweet. So anyway, I packed a bag and went back the next day (Saturday). My mum met me at the station and took her boy home for a feeding (like she always does). Sunday was spent hanging around the house watching Dad paint. I used to hate Sundays that were spent like that. Wet outside, overhead lights on…

…I HATE overhead lights. HATE THEM…

..and it was cold. And I was miserable. And I was thinking what should I do? Went down the pub with Mike and moaned at him for a little bit, then I felt a bit better and we talked about our project.

Next day I woke up and felt totally miserable. Spent the night having nightmares after arguing with Lauren when I got home the previous night. So I sorta spent the morning hanging around Mum (and she fed me) and we were sitting on the sofa looking through the B&Q catalogue (yes, really) and I got a phonecall from The Radio Works to offer me a job.

I won’t bother talking about how I felt. Relief isn’t a word I can use and I’ll only understate it… it meant more than just a wage put it that way…

Went to a place called Margam Park that afternoon. Used to go there as a kid and it seemed bigger then (what doesn’t?). Wandered among the trees and went down to this petting zoo that they have put in since I was there last (12 years ago). Met a sheep and a calf who were best friends.

I think they might have thought they were the same species. It was quite sweet.

Then it got dark and we wandered back to the car. Drove home, told Dad (who was pleased) and went to see a film with Mike in the evening (The Prestige). Spent the next few days at home, then went back to London on Wednesday. Train was diverted via Gloucester so I had alot of time to sit in th back corner of the last carraige reading my Johnny Cash book and thinking of Lauren.

Then on Friday I started work. On the weekend I saw Lauren. On Sunday, after walking her to work, I walked slowly back to the station. I really like Cambridge. So on the train back, I decided to move to Letcworth (it’s 10 minutes by train outside the city and I can get to London easily to work). So that’s what I’m going to do.

But Monday found me in work (yey) and even though it’s a bit awful at the mo (i.e., I’m working from a desk… dammit, put me into the studio (they’re being finished as I write) quick! I’ll go mad!)

Last night we (new work collegues) all went out to this place where you eat in the dark. Served by blind people. Lauren loved the sound of it (she loves anything to do with eyes) but I can tell you it was bloody awful. Ever tried eating in the pitch dark? Don’t. It’s no fun. So we all left early and went and got drunk instead.  http://www.danslenoir.com/london/ <- there’s a link. Go look. There’s nothing to see (bad joke, I know…)

This morning I woke with an awful hangover and dragged myself to work.  Really, you should have seen me this morning…