Dying of Feelings

So. I think I cried for, like, seven or more hours yesterday. Thank goodness for M or it would have been more.

SC is…pulling away or just not in love with me or something. I could be more specific, but the main thing, in the scheme of my life is that he is giving less and so I am feeling more. And more. And I think about his stupid ass all day long. We got to the point yesterday where I convinced him to email me pictures of his you know. And when he did, I felt like I had some power back. Not because I’d show them to anyone, but because I got what I wanted. I used to do the same thing with B.

I DON’T WANT TO BE FUCKED UP.

M will be home from school soon. I am trying to clean up our apartment. The cleaning with a toddler is neverending.

"I’m looking for love this time, feeling hopeful, but it’s making me cry." – Jason Mraz