Holidays are horrible

I have so little expectations as of late for holidays and time and again I find myself disappointed. This time it was Mother’s Day and even with the stay at home orders I had a few expectations. Most of the disappointment stems from my 23 yr old son and how little he regards these things.

Take my birthday for example. It was just before the Covid 19 crap hit. He took me to a decent restaurant, the one we frequent for
“special” occasions and we seemed to be having a good time. We brought dessert home with us and to continue the celebration. His dad, my ex, had given me a funny birthday card with a gift card inside earlier in the day. I thought that was very nice of him and accepted it graciously. My son gave me a $12 toy, no card and nothing else. I even had spotted the toy on a shopping trip he and I had earlier that week so that’s what he got for me. Needless to say, I was severely disappointed that besides supper and dessert, I didn’t even get a birthday card. Was I expecting too much? I don’t think so.

My son tried to claim that he intended the gift card and birthday card to be from him and his dad usurped the gift and he was left with nothing. In checking with his dad, he picked out the card himself to give to me and told our son to pick out something else. When the idea of a gift card came up, my son assumed he would give it to me and not his dad. His dad says he never heard it that way and figured he would give it to me. Either way, I was left wondering what happened and why my son had shown so little effort. His dad purchased the items he gave to me.

Yesterday, my son was upset since we couldn’t go anywhere and do anything but he had planned to order supper for us from that same restaurant since they were doing curbside pick up. We streamed a movie but wouldn’t have even done that if I hadn’t suggested it. He sat next to me, on his phone looking at other things during about half the movie. Supper was almost 2 hrs late due to the restaurant being overwhelmed. The food was cold. That’s their fault, not his. No card or any kind of gift for me from him at all so I felt a little empty.

In the past he’s made cards for me and used his considerable art skills to craft something heartfelt and I always kept them. He told his dad specifically he had stuff planned for Mother’s Day since he knew I was disappointed about my birthday. I went to bed last night dejected and hurt. This morning I threw out the rest of my dessert since I didn’t feel like finishing it, nothing left in me to celebrate.

He’s 23 years old and he still hasn’t learned the lesson that moms are special and I have fought so hard for everything for him. I still watch out over him and try to help him but in this one thing, I’m done. I really don’t want to celebrate anything again at this point I am so utterly emotionally drained on this. Even his dad is disappointed in him too but this isn’t his fight.

At least now if I move away from him I don’t have to feel so guilty in leaving him, I can say I tried my best and it’s up to him now. Mom is out!!