every now and Zen

I have spent the better part of the past few days being still. The neuropathy in my left leg is terrible that past few days and the only way to relieve the pain is to be still. It’s sort of like having a Zen moment, only it has pain attached to it. Maybe a little meditation will help with staying still. The neuropathy is a result of my Rheumatoid Arthritis going into overdrive and building a small bump under my tailbone thus putting pressure on the sciatic nerve in my left leg. None of this is too much of a surprise except for when it was discovered and how.

Back 7 years ago when I was going through chemo for breast cancer I went through a fair ration of crap with side effects and instant menopause. Yippee! Imagine hot flashes while going through chemo, tons of fun! I can look back at it now and it just seems a little surreal. Anyway, I was having neuropathy in my left leg and while neuropathy in the hands, feet and legs can be one of the side effects of one of the chemo meds, unilateral neuropathy isn’t common. My oncologist was scratching her head has to what was going on. An X-ray showed the bump on my tail bone, as did the MRI. Then I had a nuclear bone scan and it showed the cancer hadn’t metastasized outside the local area. I waited on pin and needles, almost literally from the pain, until I got that result. The only thing that could be concluded is that my RA had caused the bump. That was a huge relief!

Trying to figure out what to do about the pain was an odyssey in itself. I went to a pain specialist and he used probes to figure out where the pain was and what nerves were involved. OK, for the uninitiated, that means taking needles with electrical wires attached to a special machine and passing electrical current between needles and watching for muscle contractures and nerve pain. Yeah, wouldn’t wish that one on my worst enemy! When he was done torturing me his treatment plan included putting me on antidepressants that are known to help with pain and injections into my spine! Problem with the injections were that they might not help at all and might even increase the pain or even paralyze that leg! Yeah, sooo opted out of that one! I tried the antidepressants and they didn’t work for reducing my nerve pain or my RA pain. So I was back to square one.

At the time I wasn’t seeing my Rheumatologist much because his meds worked against the chemo meds. When I finally did see him, 6 months after the breast cancer treatments had ended, he tried to prescribe more chemo drugs!! Needless to say, after he had ignored me about sensitivities to certain drugs, I opted out of ever seeing him again. It was because of him that I discovered I am allergic to sulfa drugs after going through 3 different drugs and reacting to them. It only took 3 drugs for him to finally figure that one out!!! Idiot! I realize that modern medicine has saved my life more than once and is responsible for the miracle that is my son, but a patient should have the right to choose what is right for them.

I have been self treating my RA and neuropathy since all the bad treatments that were tried or suggested. I won’t return to a Rheumatologist again until there’s a new treatment plan that doesn’t include knocking my immune system down even further. My immune system is weakened permanently by the cancer treatment. My self-treatment includes a combination of massage therapy, meditation, pain relievers and patience. My recliner is my best friend as is my black lab Aleeta, for comfort and support. Funny comparing my dog to a chair but it fits.

So today, I will remain as still as I can and be as Zen-like as Kung Fu panda….

J