Do You Know What it Feels Like?

I feel like I’m waking up…finally.
 
Things have been rough lately. Lots of recurring depression. I’ve made it out of bed most days, however, I’ve had some significant down times lately that have been pretty scary. However, my therapist and I agree that I am out of the worst of it.
 
I spent the weekend with my parents. I do better mentally when I have some structure over the weekends. What I’ve found lately, is that I have events set up in the evenings during the week, but on weekends, I’m spending a lot of time by myself and that leads to dwelling and crying and anxiety and more dwelling, etc, etc.
 
On Saturday I got up and cleaned my atrocious house. Being depressed and unmotivated doesn’t do much for the home décor. By the time all that was finished, it was already 1pm and I was past due at my parents house. My mom and I went to get our flu shots, and then we headed to Goodwill where they were having a 50% off sale. Woo Hoo! What a way to waste time!
 
We never quite made it to the craft sale we wanted to attend, but we did make it to the movies. We saw “Hairspray” which I thought was horribly long and over-rated. My mother loved it, of course. The best part was the end when John Travolta’s character really broke it down. That was about the only time I laughed through the whole movie. What a disappointment.
 
Sunday was a b-day party for Munchkin. She’s four years old today. So hard to believe! Her party was at one of those Bounce houses where there’s a room full of giant inflatable trampoline contraptions. You can rent it out for a period of time, and then afterwards, you can have food and cake and present opening in the Winnie the Pooh room. It was funny to watch all the little kids run around like wild animals. Munchkin runs just like her mom, which is funny to see in itself.
 
Since she’s gone to regular daycare, she has really grown socially – not that that’s necessarily a good thing. Before she was really shy when visitors first came into a room, but she would warm up to them.  Now she’s not as shy – in fact, she’s far from it. She’s really started to exhibit some independence, and with a lot of that has come brattiness.
 
Her best friend is a little boy who is slightly older than she is and a little brat, so of course he has great influence over her. She has learned a lot of bad habits from him and from some of the other kids at school. Spoiled only –child, here we come! (Hey, takes one to know one, right?)
 
Tonight I’m going to Auntie’s house to celebrate Munchkin’s birthday – AGAIN! I’ll be there for cakes and presents. I have to stop someplace and buy her something. Probably books or clothing. I’m not really into buying toys as gifts.
 
Sunday afternoon I met up with “The Kids” before the Broncos/Steelers game. They are huge Steelers fans, and most are from around the Pittsburg area. They were all decked out in their Steelers gear. It was kinda cute to watch them. I was amazed by the number of Steelers fans there were in Denver. 
 
And, I was happy that we beat them in the end!
 
The big news around here today is ticket sales to the World Series games. Tickets went on sale online yesterday at 10am. The servers were overloaded, and the entire system shut down. Duh! I could’ve told you that would happen. There were millions of people trying to purchase a mere 17,000 tickets per game! Doesn’t take rocket science to figure out it will be taxing on a system.
 
So, they tried it again today. I sat with my computer refreshing it’s browser for about 1.5. No luck. One girl at our office did score tickets, and then broke her agreement with co-workers and decided to take her parents instead! Ha!
 
Our office even canceled the company luncheon we had today so that people could go back to their desks to try and score Rockies tickets. The president of our company is a huge baseball fan, so I’m sure he was back at his desk trying to buy them too.
 
I actually feel decent about work today, if not a bit overwhelmed!
 
Dakota and I had a four hour conversation yesterday about where we are and where we might be and where we want to be. I think we really communicated well yesterday, and we are in a good place. I love her so much, and I know she is not ready to be in a relationship right now. I think it will happen. I think we both have some things that we need to work on. I definitely need to work on my jealousy issues. Yikes. Those came roaring back at me on Sunday when I was visiting her, and our friend Ang came over. Eek! It was ugly!
 
I get all prickly and clam up when I feel uncomfortable and it’s not something that’s very inviting to people, so I’m sure I looked like a big asshole again, but at least Ang knows that Dakota and I are going through a split. It’s familiar territory for her as she’s going through something similar with her girlfriend right now. In fact, that’s why she and Dakota are hanging out so much lately – they can hang around each other and they’d rather talk about anything but their relationships, when that seems to be a lot of what our other friends want to talk about…How are you? How are you really? Have you talked to her? Is she okay? Do you think you’ll get back together…etc, etc, etc. It can be uncomfortable and exhausting!
 
I got a call today to participate in a research survey. It pays $75 for two hours, and I qualified, and it was at a time I could make, so I was stoked to have someextra cash. Then I got another call this afternoon telling me that the session was being postponed to the first or second week of November. I just hope I can make the time for the new one, as this is the first study I’ve actually been qualified for and it seems to be pretty easy money.
 
I’ve hit page three, so I think I’m going to stop now. How’s that for an update!

The journey is the reward

Lao-Tzu