Fix It Man

“Installing the lights”  

When I was growing up I worked in a paint store helping my father mix and sell paint.

While working in the paint store during the summers I got a chance to deal with a lot of painters and all round fix it type contractors. I even managed to get some part time jobs helping these fix it contractors. I learned a lot from these contractors, mainly that I should never attempt to fix anything.

Over the years I have stayed away from any type of do it you’re self fix it work. I learned in those early years as a youngster, that to do a job right, you need the know how to do the job and you need the right tools to do the job right and most of all you need common sense, something I and the rest of us do not always have.

It seems that when ever I needed to fix something in my house, apartment, condo or what ever, I either did not know how to fix the problem or never had the proper tools to do the job right in a timely manner, in a way that fixes the problem correctly.

No matter what I touched or tried to touch in a fix it sort of way, the project just seems to fall apart or at least that is the result of many fix it projects I have worked on.

Once while in the suburbs of Hanau, Germany I rented a very nice two-story split-level German house. German houses come with nothing installed most of the time, I mean there are no light fixtures, sinks, nothing. You are expected to put what you like in the house so you will have what you want. This of course means you have to install or have the lights and sinks and such installed at your own expense.

I was lucky in that I was renting this nice new split level from a German who was going to move into the place him self, so he had put in the sinks and fridge and such, then decided to rent the place instead. All I had to do was put in the light fixtures in the three toilet areas.

Hey, I was 20 something and could do anything. I was not aware at that time that I had high hopes and little experience and forgot what I had learned at 17.

The purchase of the light fixtures was easy enough. I even remembered to turn the power off before working on the wiring. The fixtures came with a print out on how to install them. I easily attached the red, black and white wires to the wires from the ceiling and tightened the fixture to the ceiling. The fixture looked great.

Then I turned on the power and flipped the switch and there was light in my previously dark toilet. This entire procedure only took about fifteen minutes. I was impressed, I thought I might have a future as a fix it person after all.

It was at this moment in time that I must have had a senior moment at the ripe old age of 20 something and moved on to the next toilet at the top of the stairs.

The step ladder was easy to set up, the fixture came out of the box easy enough and I was beginning to fill at ease with this fix it stuff. I attached the first wire, the second wire and just as I attached the third wire I remembered in a flash of light that I had not turned the power off at the main switch before attempting this fixture installation.

The light exploded in a 220-volt electric explosion that ran down through my fingers, down my arms into my shoulders and through out my body until the bolt of light exited my pulsating body by way of my left foot and sneaker. Yes man made lighting had struck me.

The light tossed me from the ladder out of the toilet onto the landing between the bedroom and the living room and down the two levels of stairs onto the lower level kitchen floor.

This all happened in slow motion so I was able to see the electric ark as it turned my fingers black, the ripple of the light as it entered my fingers and pulsed down my hand, shoulders, trunk, legs and out my foot, and big toe.

It was funny in a way, I remember thinking how weird it looked as my sneaker exploded and the light jumped out and into the room. The part where my body was tossed off the ladder and down the stairs was not so slow and that was more of a blur but I do remember each step as I bounced and rolled down them and the kitchen floor as it came at me rather fast.

As I was lying on the kitchen floor I could easily see, smell and feel my blackened fingers that had been singed by the bolt. The black hole at the end of my melted sneaker was glaring at me and I could see my blackened toe. Then I looked up at the ceiling and was reminded that a good fix it man would always make sure the electricity is off each and every time he works on the wiring.

So being a fix it man has advantage and disadvantages.

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