New Beginnings???

I am feeling a bit more optimistic lately and a bit more capable of recognizing and breathing through my anxieties. I am also very happy that switching to a new birth control pill contributed to feeling a bit more stable. The underlying PTSD and anxieties are already there, and a negative hormone experience is like gas on the fire.

I had a second job interview today for a job as a Family Advocate at a non-profit that I feel very excited but nervous about. I expressed worries to my partner about my panic attacks making it difficult to consistently get into work at a full-time 40 hour a week job, which I haven’t worked full-time in a year. These panics come and go in waves. Sometimes I’m good for a long period of time, even a whole year, and then these can last a couple weeks up to a couple months. However, I have been going through an immense amount of stress the last couple years and unearthed a lot of childhood trauma the last year and a half and I think that this has taken its toll. However, I have worked really hard to change how I respond to my anxiety and depression, apathy, hopelessness, and fear. I am able to identify and talk about my feelings more and more often. I was surprised at how difficult it really was for me to identify what I was feeling in the moment.

So, I feel… optimistic about this job, but still nervous. Stepping away from my first career to pursue my passion has been a difficult nerve wracking decision, but I am leaning into my authentic self, true nature, and passion. I have to remember that I am human, and work through my anxiety and feelings as they come. <3