What do I do?

What do I do now? I’ve gone this far with Michelle AND Ashley. For some reason though, I still feel that my heart belongs to Kim. I went to the mall with Cristina today and got the new FF c.d. So far, it’s pretty good. Cristina is another one. I went out with her for 6 months. I broke up with her in december, yet i still hook-up with her. I have to stop.

Well that was interesting today. Talking to Kim on the phone was hell. I hope she doesn’t feel like she should get over me and not do anything with me anymore. That would fu*king kill me. The thought of that made me fu*king cry. So I took two beers from Cristinas house, came home, drank them and called Kim. Thank god that cleared just about everything up, for now. Apparently she still has feelings for bisexual (rysanek). Fu*k that little punk-a$$ bastard. The Bee-Gee’s are on Letterman now. For three old disco singers and dancers, they’re pretty fu*king good.

I don’t know why I can’t get over Kim. I just hope someday she wakes up when it comes to relationships. I hope she finds the right guy that will treat her the way I know she should be treated. Unfortunately, I will probably never be that guy. It’s times like this that make me feel like I was meant to be alone. I don’t know if that’s true, but I hope it’s not.

Within a week and a half of my first kiss with Michelle, I was eating her out. Me and Kim alked about it tonight, and the reason why Michelle likes me is because of the way I make her feel about herself. The same sh*t is happening with Ashley. The same timing, same situations. The only difference is that Ashleys dad saw her going down on me. What a fu*king jackass!!!!!!!!!! Talk about peeping tom!!!!!!!!!!!! He was watching us from outside through their basement window. Now I’m not allowed to see her anymore. That will probably make things easier when I let her down. Michelle has to be taken care of too. I can’t get these girls attatched to me like this. It seems that by me trying to help these girls with their low self-esteem, I get a little too close to them and they get attatched and get hurt.