Wil Wheaton and me.

I can’t believe it’s already 1:08.

I want to do well in life, and one of those things I can’t do is do something I don’t like.

Today I helped videotape for a high school friend and his Matrix escapades. And I had these cool shots that I’m sure years ago I would have thought so highly of, and maybe he did, or not, and maybe I liked the idea, and it did feel like high school again

— One thing was we were shooting at this kid Nathan’s house and his mother and he had a very nice relationship, not that I didn’t, but mine was different. I was a jerk. This was one of those “oh, we both have a good sense of humor, and we have a raport, and I love to see you grow up” where as I think my mom felt more “I wish you were nicer to me but I still love you.” Nathan’s mom cooked chicken and Mac and Cheese. —

but, maybe I was just exhausted from sweating profusely or something, or from working out yesterday, but I drove him home (Matrix-boy) as he talked on the phone with this girl who he’s in love with (I put this in italics because it seems all boys are in love with this one girl they can’t have and stay with them anyway, including me) and I dropped him off, and he says to me — and I don’t mean this in a bad way, just in a reminds-me-of-me way — “See you later, dear friend” with this, God, you just know he thinks he’s so great.

He closed the door and I say “you’re not dear to me.”

Disregarding if he’s good or not, he reminds me of how I was a few years ago, and I had No Fun today, shooting bullshit shots for “fun”. It’s like watching Family Matters because you remember it was so funny as a kid and you loved it, and you watch it and blah blah blah.

Steve Urkel can’t make me laugh anymore.

(Neither can Ste-fan, for that matter.)

Anyway, I don’t think this means I don’t want to be a filmmaker. It does make me feel better about knowing I can do something else and not hate myself, but I think it just cements that I need a story to tell, not just some shot to show you.

Actually, regarding my title, Wil Wheaton helped me with that. He has his own weblog where he’s very open (oh by the way if you don’t it he was in Stand By Me and Star Trek: TNG) about his feelings of failure (I’ve only gotten to his posts in August 2001, though, so Maybe He Feels Better Now) and things like that, and it’s very affireming, not reaffirming, just affirming that he lives in a nice house with a wife and her two children and he’s still happy, and enjoys his days trying to get work. My dad was right, I should try.

This was way too long, and I apologize.