Where did complaining ever get anyone?

I feel empty a lot. Like there’s just a big void in my body. Like it’s just a chocolate Easter bunny shell. The last few days, maybe twice I’ve imagined shooting myself, and my head kind of does explode like a chocolate bunny. That seems so suicidal and depressed, but please don’t think I’m that stupid, that I’m that normal. When I’d get upset before I’d start repeating in my head “I’m a loser, I’m a fucking loser” and I know I’m not now, but something is missing. And I’ve grown regarding God but I wonder why I’m here when I feel empty, I wonder why we have a God. I wonder
I talk to a lot of adults lately about my problems, I’m kind of lonely. When I get lonely I shut myself down to people. I crumple myself up like tin foil. I masturbated today, and wence I came I realized how empty I really feel. I watched the Fred Durst sex video, how stupid is that, that I did that? And I thought while watching it “man that doesn’t seem fulfilling to me”, that sex he was having, and then after I was done with myself I felt the same about me.

I was empty again. What’s the point. I hate masturbating. I hate being motionless.