This is not forever, this is today.

There’s a girl at work that the secretary is trying to hook me up with, and when I met this girl I was extremely attracted and at the same time afraid of her because of her cuteness. I can’t tell you how I feel about her now because most of my emotions are muted. When I think of her, and how I’ll ask her on a date tomorrow, I think it just seems like a lot of work. Something else that has been muted is my joy about God. The thing is, I can’t remember where I started with him anymore, I don’t remember who I used to be and I think that can take away from seeing who you are now. Maybe that period of my life is over, the time when I could look back and see how much I’ve grown.

My pastor yesterday in church was talking about the point of a lot of Paul’s letter’s in the new testament (which I’ve crossed out in my bible and changed to “new covenant”, but that was a year ago) can be summated to “Be Who You Are”, which is to say, find out what you are, and then be it. The new testament would tell you that you are not created to sin, so don’t. It would tell you that you were created to be a light, so burn bright. Anything that tells you you are not a light, is a lie — the truth is you’re probably just not shining right now. That’s the only true sin, I guess; either not shining because you’re not connected to the source, or worse, knowing the source and choosing darkness.

I don’t know when I’ll regain my optimism. I miss being able to tell people about Jesus with such faith, and love.