Think of something different.

I talked to Meg on the phone and she’s “wine-drunk”, which is just this laid back ramble drunk.

For some reason I adapt to people, subconsciously, maybe to fit in? Or have fun, I don’t know. I’ve always done it. Around weed smokers I get more hyper, say more stupid things, and kind of act like that. Drunk, same thing.

Leukemia, though. That’s one I haven’t done. Yet.

Anyway, she was wine-drunk, and now, so am I.

Stayed at home all weekend. Got into fights with dad, if you read last entry, just so you know, I was not just starting stuff for fun, I was angry, and trying to get back at him, just so you know, I’m not So bad.

I stopped caring if Tess would call, or if we’d even be friends. I got stuck on it cause Sarah told me all these great things. No, I got stuck on it cause I liked her, and once, well: I talked to Dave about it, and somehow this young-girl-liker-too made me feel different about the whole thing, made me feel like it didn’t matter anyway.

I guess it doesn’t, cause she hasn’t called. I guess I’ll just let it go.

Meg’s friend was attracted to me. I asked who, she said a guy. Named Arthur. And then asked if I could swing. I was very surprised because Arthur came off as a punk, not a homosexual. Not that it really mattered, cause he was a cool guy.

But I told her no, I am not into that. And she asked again. I said no. And again, and then I called her and said no and that it kind of offended me that she kept asking.

What’s weird is, even though she was telling me a guy liked me, and was I gay, it didn’t even make me feel uncomfortable, like other times these things happen it has.

I can honestly say I’m not gay, and I’m not even that joyous over it. It just is.

(I think she kept asking because she was wine-drunk anyway. I’m sick of being that. I’m not even doing it for anyone. It’s like when someone hums a song, or whistles it, and it’s stuck in your head. That’s what me changing is like.

I’m staying up all night, by the way. To get back on track.)