Sue-ree.

I hung out with some younger-than’s today, had fun, sweated, actually did something non-constructive, what the fuck happened to me. When did I become so boring and mundane, lately I’ve been seeing my dad pretty much basing his happiness on the thought that I’ll be famous someday, and lately I feel more and more like I’ll end like him, like everybody. I’ll end up as unhappy as him, and my kid won’t hang out with me either. I’ll be lonely. And I base so much on trying not to depend on people, it seems that high schoolers can. It felt so good, I wasn’t even a part of their group, and…I saw a girl. That same, girl.

I’ve talked shit about her for about a month now, mean things, exagerrated for full effect, and didn’t have any wanting of speaking to her, that door was shut, and I saw her, and she was nice to me (which means nothing) and I realized by the end why I was so angry, and it’s very simple: she hurt my feelings.

She hurt my feelings. She.

Hurt my feelings.

And anyway, she is cute, as much as I hate to say it. She’s really pretty. And seeing her, don’t tell her, but I had my camera, and they had this bonfire going, and they were throwing stuff in to explode, and it was taking long, so I was looking around, and I came to her, and…stayed on her, in close-up. I always used to talk about how my emotions are like water, and how I’m so dry.

When I watched her standing their though my monitor…it was like I was holding my breath underwater.

I don’t understand why that has to change after high school, why I can’t stay in the water anymore, why no girls do that to me now, except that one. Not even Sarah, ’cause it’s different now, it’s…it’s like standing on a sandy beach. With her, but it’s not wet.

I’m just not inspired when dry.